Summary: Miranda is not the only one to face truths. 

This story occurs at the end of the episode, "Is There In Truth No Beauty?"

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and Viacom, and rightfully so.  They are just being used temporarily by me.  The only gain I will be making from this endeavor is semi-artistic satisfaction, not monetary.

A word of thanks goes to Jenna for giving me the incentive to create this tale.  Also, a big thank-you goes to Judith and Carolyn who were gracious enough to beta-read this first time ‘novel’.

Blindness

Captain’s Log 5630.9

      Transporting the Medusan ambassador, Kollos, and Federation representative, Dr. Miranda Jones, has turned out to be an eventful trip.  An assassination attempt on the ambassador’s life resulted in the lost of our course in an area beyond our known galaxy. 

     Though formless beings, the Medusans are known throughout the galaxy for their navigational skills.  Through a mind link with First Officer Spock, the ambassador graciously aided the Enterprise in its course correction. 

     Unfortunately, during the termination of the mind link the first officer was not properly shielded from exposure to the physical presence of Kollos.  The result was paranoia and insanity.  Dr. Jones’s telepathic ability was able to heal Spock’s mind.  For the good doctor’s help, the Enterprise crew is grateful.

     Currently, we are in orbit around the planet, Medusa.  Mission will be completed after the beam down of Kollos and Jones.

-----o<0>o-----

     //What am I feeling as I watch Miranda leave - pain, disappointment, envy, or jealousy?  Now why would I think that...jealousy?//

     These thoughts crossed James T. Kirk's mind as the object of his scrutiny, Dr. Miranda Jones, was being transported to her new life - a life which included Kollos, the Medusan ambassador.   Kirk took a deep breath, frowned and quickly left the transporter room, not even glancing at Spock, who had manned the transporter.

     To keep himself busy the captain immediately went to engineering to check on the status of the ship. He entered the cavernous room and headed straight to Montgomery Scott.  Interrupting his Chief Engineer’s study of a diagnostic panel Kirk asked, “Scotty, how’s the ship?  Any adverse affects from our ‘unscheduled’ trip?”  //Perhaps the sooner we started on our next mission, the sooner I will feel at ease!// thought Kirk.

     In his soft burr Scott answered, “Nay, captain, boot I would feel better if I coold give her a thorough check...before we leave Medusa, that is.”

     “How much time?”

     “Aboot three hours, but I might be dun in one.”

     Jim smiled and shook his head.  //How does he come up with these time estimates?// “All right, Scotty, you have your time.  We’ll stay in orbit around Medusa for no more than three hours though.”

     “Aye, captain.”  Scotty grinned as he commenced in his favorite task, taking care of his “wee bairns”.

     From engineering the captain thought it would be best to go to the bridge.  Normally, Jim Kirk would have gone straight to the bridge after his stop in Engineering.  Normally, he looked forward to being at the central hub of the starship.  Anyone who saw the young captain in the corridors of the Enterprise enroute to his command post would notice a spring in his steps. Yet at this moment Kirk felt as if his feet were made of lead.  A side trip to sickbay for a “just checking to see if everything’s okay” visit waylaid the trip for a time.  But eventually, the captain stepped onto the bridge. 

     As the turbolift deposited him, Kirk mused, //I got a vague feeling as though I'm running away from something.  Like I have been hiding.  Hiding...from whom?  Or what?//

     The bridge staff was into the middle of its first shift.  A quick glance by Kirk confirmed that Spock was at the science console.  Pausing at at the communications station Kirk asked Lieutenant Uhura to contact the Medusan authorities.

     “Uhura, request permission for maintaining a temporary orbit around the planet.”  

     With a quick “Aye, captain”, the female officer’s fingers flew over the console establishing the initial contact.

     Slowly Kirk moved towards the science console.  With a casual turn from his monitor, Spock inquired, “Trouble, captain?” 

     “No, Mr. Spock.  Scotty just wants to make sure his engines are in tiptop shape.  Ah, Spock, I hope you are feeling well.”  When his first officer nodded slightly in response, Kirk continued, “I was wondering...”

     “Captain Kirk, a Mr. Stalls on the Medusan surface wishes to talk with you,” interrupted Lieutenant Uhura.

     Kirk exchanged a look of surprise and curiosity with his first officer, left Spock’s side and headed for the center seat.   //Who is Stalls?  And what the devil is he doing on Medusa?//   “Lieutenant, is communiqué audio or visual?”

     “Audio, captain”

     //At least this will be safe. No chance of viewing a Medusan and risking insanity!//  “Put him on.”  After a nod from the woman he announced, “This is Captain James T. Kirk.  How may I help you, Mr. Stalls?”

     A no-nonsense, deep, bass voice filled the bridge.  “Captain, I know you are a busy man.  So I will not waste your time.  I am J. M. Stalls, acting supervisor of a group of Federation technicians and scientists.  We were commissioned by Starfleet to create and establish a Federation embassy that could maintain a safe environment for visiting delegates as well as the embassy staff.  To get right to the point, I have been given the authority by Starfleet to contact you and make a request.”

      //Here it comes!// grimaced Kirk.

     “We have a scientist that must be transported to a rendezvous point to complete his return trip to his home planet.  Starfleet led me to believe this would not be an inconvenience to you.”

     //What are we... some intergalactic taxicab!?!// Bowing to the inevitable Kirk informed the man.  “Mr. Stalls, we will be leaving within the next hour.  Have Mr....?”

     “Yalar,” interjected Mr. Stalls.

     “Have Mr. Yalar notify us with coordinates when he is ready to beam aboard.”

     “Thank you, captain”

     “Kirk out.”  With a pause to allow Uhura to kill the connection Kirk grumbled, “Well if that don’t beat all!  Take delegates here, take scientists there.”  //Maybe this is why I didn’t want to come to the bridge.  Was I having some sort of a premonition?//

     Flipping a communication switch the commanding officer spoke, “Scotty, have the Enterprise operational and prepared to leave orbit within one hour.”

     The bridge crew members grinned as they heard a very audible sigh over the intercom and the Scotsman’s voice sadly lamenting, “Aye, captain.”

     Rotating his chair Kirk asked, “Spock, do you know anything about either of these gentlemen?”

     “Actually, yes, captain.  J. M. Stalls is a noted architect with a respectable degree in engineering.  Yalar is an Andorian scientist who specializes in artificial optic engineering.  I have found some of his articles to be quite fascinating.”  Jim noticed a gleam of scientific interest in the Vulcan’s dark eyes as he spoke.

      Rubbing his chin, Kirk paused for a moment, then stated, “Perhaps you should be with me to greet Yalar.  Would you mind taking him in hand and seeing that he’s settled and has everything he needs?”

     “Of course, captain.”

-----o<0>o-----

      Exactly 40 solar minutes later, Captain and First Officer of the Enterprise were standing side by side behind the transporter panel, waiting for Yalar to beam up from the coordinates he had sent them earlier.  After receiving the readiness signal planetside, a young ensign engaged the transporter beam.  A high pitched whine filled the room, and a dazzling light appeared over one of the transporter pads. As the figure solidified in front of the three men, Kirk’s mouth dropped opened in surprise.  With a quick glance at his Vulcan officer, he noticed the characteristic upswept eyebrow.  Though Spock hadn’t said it aloud, Kirk heard in his own mind, the deep-voiced word, “fascinating”.

     Yalar was a tall, slender Andorian about 2 meters in height--this build was not so unusual for a member of his race.  He had the characteristic antennae over a head of soft, white hair, which looked like rabbit’s fur.  His stance was one of self-confidence and perhaps nobility.

     However, the man had two very distinct features that the officers found so surprising.  First, Yalar’s skin was not the customary powder blue that Kirk was used to seeing.  In fact, the captain thought the clear blue skin reminded him of an Iowa summer sky.  

     Most astonishing of all was Yalar’s eyes.  For lack of a better comparison Kirk thought the eyes looked like two iridescent pearls.  No pupils, no irises...Yalar was blind.  Actually, without seeing his eyes, the officers would have correctly judged Yalar’s visual impairment due to his attire.  Over his regal robe of midnight blue, the Andorian wore a sensory web just like the one worn by Miranda Jones.

     The captain quickly stepped forward as the scientist gracefully stepped down from the transporter dais.  Kirk noticed that before he left the pad Yalar reached down and picked up a personal case.  Jim stopped the urge to run up and assist the man.  //Now I know what Miranda meant by hating pity.  Yalar is just as self-sufficient as Miranda was with that sensory web.  How many have tried to force their help on blind persons when they did not need it?// 

     “Greetings, Yalar, welcome to the Enterprise.” stated Kirk, the gracious host.

     In a soft, melodic, lightly accented voice, Yalar responded, “Thank you, Captain Kirk, for your kind assistance.  I hope I have not caused you a great inconvenience by my request for passage?”

     Kirk sensed something that he instantly liked about the man.  “Not at all, sir.  May I introduce to you my first officer and science officer of the Enterprise, Spock.”

     Spock quietly approached his captain’s side and offered the Vulcan salute.  “Greetings, Yalar.  Your presence honors us.”

     “Ah, Commander Spock.” The excitement in Yalar’s voice was unmistakable.  “This is indeed a great pleasure.  I have read many of your articles.  The wealth of knowledge you have obtained through your encounters!  It would be most enlightening if we might be able to meet and discuss a few things within the next day.”

     “I would find such an exchange mutually satisfactory.”  Spock inclined his head as he spoke.  Kirk had come to call this sign of respect, ‘the Vulcan’s mini-bow’.

     “Yalar, Spock will show you to your quarters and see that you have everything you need.  Once you are settled in would you care to join me for dinner?”

     The Andorian answered in an apologetic tone, “You are most gracious, Captain.  However, if you don’t mind it has been a tiring day for me...finishing last minute tasks on Medusa.  Would you mind if I retired early?”  As Yalar spoke Jim noticed how the scientist’s cool, blue hands possessively caressed the small, metallic container he held.

     “Not at all.  Perhaps then tomorrow we may share a meal.”  Kirk displayed one of his dazzling smiles to show that no offense was taken from the refusal.  After the gesture he wondered if Yalar could actually detect the smile.

     With a bow of his head Yalar replied, “Of course, Captain Kirk.”

     Kirk grinned, turned and addressed the Vulcan.  “Spock, if you would be so kind to show Yalar to his quarters.  I guess you will also be retiring early, since I believe you made an agreement with Doctor McCoy.”

     Spock cocked his eyebrow, but said nothing except “Yes, Captain.” Kirk knew that Spock and McCoy both had agreed that a few evenings of early rest and meditation would rejuvenate the Vulcan's psyche after the draining mind link with Kollos and Miranda.  According to McCoy, it had been either that or an extra day in sickbay.

     Warmly, the captain dismissed the two with a “Goodnight, gentlemen”.

-----o<0>o-----

     Kirk again headed for engineering directly from the transporter room.  Once he spoke to Scotty with a somewhat apologetic air, the captain went to check on the bridge at shift change to make sure all was well.  Now he had a choice between dinner or an early start on the never-ending efiles.  Dinner would probably be a lonely affair tonight without his usual Vulcan companion.  On the other hand, recordkeeping was not one of his favorite duties.

     A lack of appetite and/or the prospect of a lonely meal made Kirk's decision easy. As the turbolift deposited him in officers' territory, thoughts started to clutter his mind again.  Surely, it was not a coincidence that both Miranda and Yalar were blind.  Was the Federation purposefully hiring blind personnel to work near Medusans?  It made sense since visual contact with the Medusans was so dangerous.  As Jim moved down the corridor towards his quarters he continued his contemplation, //What is it like to be blind?  What would it be like not to be able to read someone’s face?//  An imagine of Spock with an upswept eyebrow and half smile came to mind.  //Sometimes vision is the only way we communicate.  I rely so much on what I see.//

     As he entered his cabin and approached his desk Kirk noticed the medical disc McCoy had sent of Spock's fitness report.  Next to this was another disc simply marked 'Jim'. Curious, he inserted the disc into the viewer.

     Miranda.

     That lovely face appeared on the screen.  Her rich voice filled the cabin.

     "Thank you, captain...Jim.  My 'TALK' with you made me that my real blindness was not lack of sight but jealousy.  By forcing me to examine the depth of my jealousy I am now able to meet Kollos' mind unfettered.  The joy in our meld is one of light and the end of loneliness."

     Miranda's face reflected pure joy, which quickly shifted to doubt.  There was a hesitant tone in her voice as she continued.

     "Ethically I cannot go into great detail, but I need to state that melding with Spock also made me realize that there are many forms of blindness.  To not see the true form of a relationship or the beauty of it is either blindness caused by ignorance or fear.  I would rather think it is the latter.  As you so aptly put it with the analogy of a rose, there may be pain with beauty.  Pluck the rose, Jim!  Enjoy the beauty."

     Appearing as though she might say something else, Miranda quickly ended the recording with the words, "May you and Spock, live long and prosper."

     "Damn peculiar," Jim muttered as he rubbed his chin.

     Kirk realized he was still standing and slowly sank into his seat.  Staring at the blank viewer screen, he drummed his fingers on the desktop as he repeated the word, "damn".

     //What in the hell was Miranda implying?  Ethics or not her message was too damn vague.//

     Evidently, she was suggesting something about Spock.....and himself?  After working together for nearly three years Kirk could not begin to imagine a time he was without the Vulcan.  The first officer seemed to be one of his few constant advisors and friends.  Spock was a stable force in Kirk's very hectic universe.  Theirs had been a relationship that had been quite satisfactory both in professionally and socially. 

     //So.... why did Miranda imply there would be pain?  For whom?  Spock?   No, she seemed to think the pain would be mine.  What pain?.//

     Before he could actually delve any further on the last question, the entry buzzer signaled a visitor.  The captain impatiently jabbed the button on the desk to release the automatic door lock.  As the door slid open CMO Leonard McCoy sauntered into the room.

     "Jim boy," McCoy drawled, "Thought you might like to have some company for dinner tonight.  That is since you don't have your usual Vulcan shadow tagging along."

     "What in the hell does that mean, McCoy?" snapped Kirk.  He regretted the words as soon as they slipped through his lips.

     //Loose lips sink ships!  Now the good doctor is going to dissect me for information!//

     With a look of utter indignity McCoy said, "Whoa! Who lit the fire under your butt?"

     Kirk ran his right hand down his face, wiping away a scowl and replacing it with a bemused smile.  "Sorry, Bones," he said, "Guess you got the fallout from the rough mission we just completed.  'Just transporting dignitaries', my ass!  Why do these 'easy' assignments always turn out to be so complicated?  And now we’re doing it all over again with that scientist, Yalar.  It’s like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop!"

     Slowly McCoy shrugged and grinned.  "Murphy's Law....Murphy's Law.  By the way, Spock contacted me about Yalar.  He wants to meet with all three of us tomorrow morning, 7 AM sharp!  I don’t know what it’s about, but I do know that man’s work.  Our meeting should be interesting.  But that’s tomorrow...” Placing a hand on Kirk's shoulder, he continued, "Come on, Captain, you need some nourishment and some good, old human company tonight."

-----o<0>o-----

     For the third time Spock attempted to reach the fourth level of meditation, but was unable to obtain it.  With the amount of disturbance his psyche had gone through in the past two days, the Vulcan was not overly concerned.  A slow process of reestablishing meditating techniques was to be expected. 

     Spock eventually focused on the events of the day, instead.  Today was quite an interesting day indeed.  Dr. Jones and Ambassador Kollos departed.  Though the end result of the mind fusion was unsettling, Spock considered Kollos a kindred spirit now.  Rarely did two souls join such as they did to share one body.  The only other mind that he truly felt at ease with was his captain.  However, the first officer found his superior slightly distant and restless today.  Spock dismissed this as understandable with the chain of events they had encountered on the way to Medusa.

    Now they were on a courier mission again with Yalar, a noted scientist.  Envisioning the first encounter he and Kirk had with the Andorian led Spock to replay the passage they took from the transporter room to Yalar’s quarters and what was said.

     “I suppose you have already realized that I am blind.”  The fact was stated straightforwardly as a fact should be without emotional overtones.  “What were your thoughts at the instance you registered my impairment?”

     “Actually, sir, I was complimenting the Federation on its ingenuity.”

     A pleased look came across the blue face as Yalar said, “Ah, so the little secret game is over, is it?”

     “Sir, to what game are you referring? As far as the secrecy of just a situation, logical deductive reasoning reveals relevant information when one obtains facts.  Dr. Jones is blind.  You are blind.  Also, research shows that Mr. Stalls is blind.  It is understandable that Starfleet would commission blind professionals to complete a task on a planet were visual contact with the inhabitants will result in instant insanity.  As stated before I complement Starfleet on its ingenuity.”

     Distantly, Yalar responded, “Yes, I must admit it was a clever stroke of imagination to come up with this scheme.  From a personal point of view, the past year has certainly been an enriching and exciting assignment.   The Medusans are an interesting, gentle race.  In some ways I will miss Medusa.”

     Yalar had not continued to elaborate on his statement.  By this time they had reached the guest quarters. 

     He had demonstrated all the amenities of the facility, including how to obtain nourishment.  During the entire tour he noticed that Yalar possessively clutched his case. 

     Once completed, he pointed out the communication system and stated, “If there is anything you require, contact me.”

     Yalar placed his case on the desk yet maintained contact with it.  “Actually, Spock, there is something you can do for me.  Isn’t the medical doctor, Leonard McCoy, on this starship?”

     “Yes, sir.  Doctor McCoy is the Enterprise’s Chief Medical Officer.”

     “Good!  Would you and Doctor McCoy do me the favor of having breakfast with me?  I wish to discuss a matter of personal importance.”

     “I would be honored, sir.  I shall also contact Doctor McCoy.  Though I may not speak for the good doctor, it will be against his natural tendency of curiosity to refuse such an offer.”  Relying on his personal judgment he did not point out the fact that Yalar did not include Captain Kirk in the invitation.

     With a sigh of relief, the Andorian stated, “Good, thank you.  We will have breakfast here at 0700.  I would like to have as much privacy as possible.”

     “Yes, sir.”  He was heading for the door when he was stopped by one more request.

     “Oh, dear!”  The statement was made as an afterthought.  “Please include Captain Kirk in our morning meeting.”

     It was after this conversation that Spock contacted Doctor McCoy, who in turn stated that he would convey the message to Kirk.  //Tomorrow’s meeting will be interesting.  The probability of discussing the topic of optic science was high,// the Vulcan’s mind concluded.   As this was mere speculation, Spock began to focus on scientific articles authored by the noted scientist.  He found the reading selections a simulating end to a most interesting day.

-----o<0>o-----

     As the two men entered the crew lounge, McCoy winced and thought they should have gone to the officers' lounge instead.  The large room seemed too bright, busy, and noisy.  But Kirk preferred to be among his crew; his command position isolated him as it was from most of his shipmates.  Determine to please the captain at all cost McCoy decided to grin and bear it as he led the way to the food dispenser.  Luckily the two officers were able to find a corner table that the doctor hoped would give them a fair amount of privacy.

     The meal started out in friendly silence.  Off and on McCoy aimed a critical eye at James Kirk.  The captain was definitely bothered by something.  The doctor could see it in the tension in Kirk's shoulders, neck, and around those hazel eyes!  If McCoy was going to offer some company AND find out how he could help his friend, he was going to have to be very careful in his choice of words.  Yet, it was not McCoy who blurted out the first question.

     "Bones, are you aware of any lasting, negative effects that may occur as the result of a mind meld?"

     It took McCoy a short while to realize what Kirk was talking about.  Quick to reassure his friend, the doctor replied with a question, "Jim, is this about the mind meld between Miranda and Spock?"  After Kirk nodded, he continued, "Miranda's fine.  The training she received on Vulcan conditioned her mind to withstand abuse such as she faced melding with Spock."

     "And...and Spock's okay?"

     "You received my medical report.  And even if you haven't read it yet, you should know better.  If I even thought there was a hint of complications due to the meld, Spock would be in Sickbay right now."

     Kirk muttered something under his breath.  To McCoy the word vaguely sounded like "damn.”

     Curiosity and frustration got the best of the doctor.  Deciding to take the strategic plan of full warp speed ahead, McCoy asked, "Jim, what is bothering you?  And don't give me any damn excuses about completing 'a rough mission'!"

     McCoy saw the war of uncertainty reflected in Kirk's face.  When a look of resolve slowly appeared he realized it was in his favor.  And so, the concerned friend patiently waited for Jim to speak.

     Softly Kirk stated, "Miranda left a message in my cabin.  In fact I had just finished viewing it when you arrived."

     After a brief pause he continued, "She said that she was happy and thanked me.  And then....And then...." The Captain of the Enterprise, with all his famous gift of the blarney, was at a loss for words.

     "And then what, Jim?" prompted the doctor.  This was the first time he had ever seen the man tongue-tied.

     "Well, she implied that she had received some sort of knowledge from the healing meld.  And suggested I take some line of action."

     "Action? What action?"

     "The hell if I know!  She stated she couldn't go into details because of ethics."  Kirk’s frustration was glaring off the words and the facial expression of the man.

     "Let me see if I understand this.  According to the message, Miranda discovered something in the meld with Spock.  And this revelation of hers has to do with you and something you need to do. And right now you don't know what that 'something' is."

     Despondently Jim replied, "That's about it." 

-----o<0>o-----

     As the discussion between Bones and Jim progressed Kirk realized he had deliberately left out Miranda's reference to roses and pain.  He wasn’t sure why, was it something too revealing or personal?

     Out of the blue, emotions and images cluttered Kirk's mind.  Roses....romance.....rose thorns....physical pain....emotional pain.....a distraught Miranda....a mentally deranged Vulcan.....a smiling Miranda....a  smiling Spock.

     //Now that's a laugh!  When have you ever seen a Vulcan, especially your first officer, smile?//

     Kirk’s inner voice replied sarcastically, “Why, don't you remember, Captain, when Spock discovered you were alive in sickbay?”

     //Did I really forget about that awful trip to Vulcan?//

-----o<0>o-----

     McCoy stared in fascination at the range of emotions that crossed the younger man’s face in rapid succession. Frustrations, reverie, fear, pain, sadness, joy, sarcasm, and, finally, bewilderment flashed before the observant eyes of the doctor.

     After a few moments of silence Bones offered his advice.  "Look, Jim, this incident with Spock was emotionally draining to you, me, and half the crew.  We almost lost that man.  Normally in our line of work, we thank God that everything turned out all right and go forward.  But maybe Miranda's message reopened some of your feelings of fear and uncertainty."

     Taking a deep breath, McCoy continued, "My advice to you is for you to get a good night's rest, which you desperately need.  Then tomorrow if you still feel that Miranda's message is very important to the well being of our Vulcan friend, you should ask him directly.  Hell, I would even play the message for those Vulcan ears to hear!"

     Hesitantly Kirk said, "I..don't...know, Bones."

     "Come on," a rising McCoy interjected, "Let's get you to bed.  No use dwelling on it anymore.  Your thoughts will just go around in circles."

     "Perhaps you’re right."

     “Of course, I’m right!  Besides we need our beauty sleep, remember we have that early meeting with Yalar tomorrow.”  McCoy placed a firm grip on Jim’s shoulder as he said, “Take care of yourself, James Kirk.  You’re one of a kind!”

-----o<O>o-----

     The next morning the three officers of the Enterprise were seated in the guest quarters.  Yalar had arranged for a makeshift table to be set up.  Various delectable items were spread out in enough variety to tempt any appetite.  As the meal started the conversation was light, inconsequential.  Yet, an underlying current of curiosity and tension ran through the whole proceedings.  With anticipation the men waited for the Andorian to reveal the reason for their requested audience this morning.

     “Gentlemen, the time has come that I must appeal to you all as colleagues and humanitarians.  It is a tremendous advantage to me to have a notable scientist and surgeon on hand when I need them.  Of course, captain, if I may be blunt, the reason for your presence is the fact that you are their superior officer.”

     “Thank you for recognizing that fact,” Kirk said in good-humor tone.  The other two men remained silent and attentive.

     With a smile and a nod Yalar continued, “Captain, my family has a rare genetic condition in which various generations randomly inherit the dubious characteristic of blindness.  It is not a coincidence that my ancestry is in fact a line of scientists who have devoted their work to genetic and optical sciences.  It has been our mission, if not to eliminate blindness, to enhance the life of the visually impaired.  The sensor web you see before you was developed by my father and enhanced by me.”

     “Now I am enroute to my home planet for the anticipated arrival of my first offspring...”

     Beaming,  McCoy interjected, “Congratulations, sir!”

     “Thank you, doctor.  Yes, by all rights this is a momentous occasion.  However, with your help we may all make the birth of my child a historic event in medical history.”

     The gleam of interest and curiosity intensified in Spock and McCoy’s eyes, whereas Kirk’s persona remained reserved.  “How may my men help you, sir?” the captain inquired.

     Yalar’s response was to clear his side of the table.  Once done, the Andorian brought up the metallic case that had been at his side all during the meal.  As the officers leaned forward, Yalar opened the case to reveal a device cushioned in a foam nest.  The scientist gently lifted the item up to give the men a better view.  It appeared to be a visor made of a metallic mesh, held by a metal frame.  Receivers were attached to both ends of the frames.

     “With Spock and McCoy’s help this will become my eyes and I will be able to view my child’s face after the birth!  If my offspring is blind, these may then become his or hers eyes!  For you see by implanting electrodes in the temple of the individual the vision visor is attached directly to the electrodes.  Sensory input goes directly to the optic center of the brain.  In essence, the visor will become my eyes!”

     Kirk and Spock exchanged glances as Yalar continued.  “Don’t you see why I need your officers’ aid, captain?  With Spock’s knowledge and experience, he is the only one I would trust right now to monitor and maintain the function of the visor once it is in operational status.  As for Doctor McCoy, his surgical skill is legendary!  I would completely hand over my life to his trust!”  Yalar’s voice rose to the level of shouting in his excitement.

     Rising and leaning over the table, McCoy piped in, “Now just wait a damn minute here!  You are only going to be on the Enterprise for one, at the most, two days.  Just when did you want all this accomplished?  Do you mean you want Spock and me to come with you to Andor?

     “There isn’t time, Doctor.  We must act today!”

     With a look of astonishment McCoy repeated, “Today!  That’s impossible!”

     “Doctor, I have been working on this project for over ten years.  Perhaps...perhaps it may be too late for the visor to help me. After all I have been blind all my life.  I may not be able to assimilate what I see through the implants.  But for the sake of my child...if the child could use the visor at an early stage of its development, think how enriched his or her life will be!  I would much rather test the device on me first.  Doctor McCoy, you have the expertise to successfully carry out this operation without the need of much preparation.  The only complication I see to this is if the good captain may not be able or willing to allow you gentlemen to assist me.”

     As McCoy slowly set down, Kirk turned his gaze from Yalar to Spock, “Spock what is your opinion about all of this?”

     Peering over steepled fingertips, his contemplated stance, Spock replied,  “Sir, though I have only meet Yalar within the past 14.45 standard hours, I have extensively read all his material.  I find his research to be quite thorough and logical.  He has stated that he has been researching and developing this project for an extended period of time.  I can deduce from the level of research I have read in publication and his statement today, that the only logical next step in this development is implementation and a trial operation.”

     Yalar, who had calmed down considerably at this point, gave a triumphant smile.  Turning his attention to the Doctor, Jim asked, “What do you think about all this, Bones?”

     Pulling at his right ear, the man spoke slowly, “I would be lying if I didn’t say that I was interested in all this.  My one concern is the rush though.  In all truthfulness this is not a medical emergency.”  Yalar frowned at this statement as though his plans were being destroyed.  “However,” continued McCoy, “for what it’s worth, though mind you I don’t always show it, I do value Spock’s knowledge in such matters.  So for this ONE TIME I will be in agreement with that blasted Vulcan!”

     Slowly raising his right eyebrow, Spock responded with a “Why thank you, Doctor.”

     During their exchange, Kirk briefly showed a small affectionate smile towards his two friends.  As his gaze turned to the Andorian a look of intense concentration overcame the smile.  “Yalar, I value my officers’ opinions highly.  However, as you have stated before, it is my ultimate decision, which will decide whether they will assist you or not.  You’re lucky that you have caught us between missions.

     “Though I will never be able to adequately understand what it is like to be blind, I can understand how it must feel to help those you care about who may become blind.”  As he stated this Kirk’s attention fleetingly fell on Spock as he thought of Deneva and Spock’s temporary blindness.   “And so, I will grant you the use of my officers under two conditions.”

     In a hesitant tone Yalar asked, “What are those conditions, Captain Kirk?”

     “First, if at anytime my men feel this project is too risky they may back out.  Secondly, I want it on record that the sole responsibility of this project is yours and yours alone.”

     With a sigh of relief, the scientist quickly complied, “Granted, Captain.  And thank you...thank you from not only me, but the future generations of my family.”

-----o<O>o-----

     Kirk’s fingers walked next to the chronometer on the armrest of his command seat.  The day was certainly turning out to be a long one.  Noting the time, the captain realized that seven hours had passed since the breakfast meeting with Yalar.  //My God, when will they contact me? The suspense is killing me!//  The scientist had been out of surgery for over an hour.  Now they were waiting for Yalar to regain consciousness...to see the end result of his own experiment.

     The captain felt great sympathy for the Andorian scientist.  He knew that if he had a child he would want the best for his offspring.  He would get the best for his child by any means, including self-sacrifice.  However, the first thought that had crossed his mind when they had discussed the vision visor was Spock’s blindness.  The incident on Deneva was one of the most personally unsettling events in Kirk’s career.  Yes, he had lost his brother, Sam, which still deeply hurt him.  Equally upsetting though was the fact that he had felt as though he was going to lose a second brother, Spock...first to the parasite then to blindness.  Jim felt he would have done almost anything to help regain Spock’s sight.  How angry he had been at McCoy!  It had been a blind anger.  For on looking back on the past, he knew that a physically ill Spock and an anxious captain had practically pushed the doctor into using the blinding light on Spock.  So eager had they been to save Deneva that they had not rationally waited for the diagnosis of the parasite’s destruction.   Kirk was still apologizing to the good doctor!  He felt as though he would never make up the hurt he had bestowed on his friend. 

     Reliving the past only enhanced the unsettling emotions he felt in present.  Whereas, Spock was blind in the past, now Kirk was supposed to be figuratively blind in the present.  //The message from Miranda is just as maddening as the wait!//  Mentally shrugging he thought, //I’m blind and am totally ignorant to what I’m supposed to be blind of.  I feel like contacting Miranda and demanding her to explain what she meant by her damn message!//

    Lieutenant Uhura interrupted his thought-fest, “Captain, Doctor McCoy is requesting your presence in sickbay.’’

     Bounding from his seat, Kirk dashed to the turbolift as he turned the con over to the lieutenant.  As he headed towards sickbay the captain had the urge to cross his fingers.  //Please, please let this work.  Think of all the possibilities...all the people who will be helped!// 

     Sickbay was a scene of tense excitement.  Nurse Chapel was monitoring the Andorian’s vital signs.  McCoy and Spock were bent over the visor and a monitoring device, making some last minute calibrations.  Looking up, Bones gave Jim a beaming smile!  “Jim, by God, I believe this just might work!”

     Stopping at the side of Spock to see what was happening, the commanding officer asked, “The operation wasn’t as complicated as you thought?”

     “No!  You can compare it to the translator implants I have to install in the base of your skull.  The electrodes are implanted just beneath the skin of Yalar’s temples.  Once the visor is placed over the eyes the receivers actually come in contact with the electrodes.  Then, as Yalar stated before, the metallic mesh acts as a camera.  The input from the mesh goes through the receivers to the electrodes, which in turn signals the optic center of the brain.  Not only is the procedure simple, it’s fast.  If this works, just think of all the people we can help?”

     “Or all the individuals who may be damaged by the experience,” interjected Spock.

     As McCoy’s mouth dropped, Kirk asked, “Why would you think such a marvelous thing could do anyone harm, Spock?” 

     Spock’s face reflected serious concentration as he explained, “I believe Yalar eluded to the effect himself.  For an individual who has been blind for an enter life span, he or she assimilates their living environment in a totally different manner than a sighted individual.  Accommodations must be made to teach the now-sighted person to decipher the visual input.”

     McCoy grumbled, “Well, it’s no use speculating until we find out how this visor actually affects Yalar.”

     “Doctor, I do not speculate!” stated an indignant. Vulcan.

     Before McCoy could respond or Kirk could referee, Christine Chapel announced, “Doctor, the patient is regaining conscious!”

     Spock and Jim trailed Bones as he hurried to Yalar’s side.  With one quick look at the readings over the bed, McCoy asked his patient how he felt.

     “Quite fine, Doctor, and ready for the visor.”  The scientist’s voice sounded tired and dry.

     As Nurse Chapel provided water for the patient, Spock went to retrieve the visor from the worktable.  Kirk moved to the side of the bed opposite from the nurse. 

     With concern on his face, Kirk softly said, “Yalar, I want to wish the best for you, sir.”

     “Thank you, Captain.”

     Now was the time of truth.  McCoy gently raised the diagnostic bed into a seating position.  Spock brought up the visor.  As he reached Yalar’s side the Vulcan stated, “Sir, I have made some minor adjustments in the binary program of the visor.  After the initial use of the visor, I will fine tune the program and make any changes that are necessary.”

     “Thank you, Mr. Spock.  Let’s try the visor out!”

     Spock handed the visor over to the doctor.  Kirk held his breath as Bones slipped the visor over Yalar’s eyes and made sure the receivers were in contact with the electrodes. 

-----o<O>o-----

     Some called his world, darkness. To him shapes and colors were mere words.  If they had asked him to describe his world, he would have used words of sounds and touch. How can you describe what you have known all your life?  How can you describe the world of the blind to the world of the sighted?

     Yalar felt the cool metal visor touch his temples, which were just slightly sore.  As the receivers connected to the electrodes a shout rang through his skull.  That was the word, shout, that he would have used to describe his initial reaction to the visor.

     He reacted as though it was an aural, not visual, shout.  Jerking his head back, the Andorian felt a warm touch on his shoulder.  “Yalar, take your time.  Don’t rush it.”  The reassuring voice belonged to the doctor.

     Turning to the sound Yalar willed to use the visor to its fullest ability.  Confusion reigned supreme in his mind.   “What do you see?” asked McCoy’s voice.

     “See?  I see...coolness...and warmth?”  As he spoke Yalar reached with a trembling hand and touch something soft and warm.

    The doctor’s voice brightly said, “Yalar, what you called coolness and warmth is my blue shirt.”

     “Interesting.”  He simultaneously said the word with Mr. Spock.

     Spock’s voice continued, “Sir, you must realize by now that the descriptive terms you are using for visual input are terms used by a sighted individual for tactile input.”

     Yalar turned to Spock’s voice.  There was that same vision as with McCoy.  Yet, this was different.  He began to put the visual messages together.  Spock must be wearing a “blue shirt” just like McCoy.  This was hard work, trying to translate visual input to where he could understand it.  The concepts were overpowering.  Trying to close his eyes to the visual overload, the Andorian thought he would give himself a resting period...to calm down.  However, even with his eyes closed he still received the input.  There was no “off” worked into the program.

     “Yes, Spock,” the scientist responded,  “it is as I feared.  I’m not sure that I will be able be fully comprehend what I am receiving through my visual input.”  His voice shook.  There was a tinge of disappointment in his voice as he continued.  “Perhaps I shouldn’t have tried this.  I am so used to my world without sight!  I can’t even close my eyes against the input!”

      Jerking the visor from off his face, Yalar stated, “I should have never tried this!”

     He felt the sympathetic warmth and pressure that he associated with McCoy.  So it was a surprise when he heard Spock’s voice connected with the touch.

     “Sir, I must commend you for you ingenuity of taking a simplistic computer program and assimilating the program for use with your vision visor.  The advancement of such a program will enhance the life of the visual impaired, especially the young.  For all intensive purposes your experiment is a complete success.”

     Now the doctor’s voice was telling him to rest...that he was putting his system under too much stress.

     “Sir, thank you for allowing us to be a part of this great endeavor.  You have been successful.  Now you may be able to help many, including your own family,” Kirk’s voice congratulated him.

     //Is it a success?  Yes, and I am definitely tired.//  Whispers filled his world, before he slipped back into blissful sleep.    

-----o<O>o-----

     "Good morning, Captain."

     The computer alarm awoke Jim Kirk at 0600 hours.  Stretching his body and rubbing his face the captain felt at first as if he had just emerged from his sleep with a hangover.  However, this hangover was from an overindulgence of confused emotions, not liquor.

     //Man, I feel as if I had a rough night, but for the life of me I can't remember anything!  No dreams or nightmares, no Nothing!//

     Kirk groaned, "Computer, what is the agenda for today?"

     The metallic voice responded, "Staff meeting at 0900.  Inspection tour of Bio Labs at 1100. Rendezvous with Andorian shuttle at 1230.  Monthly report due to Starfleet Command by 1530."  Today was going to be a busy day from establishing routes and procedures for the new mission to collecting data and correlating it for the monthly report.  Also, he would have to see Yalar leave, which would be bittersweet indeed.

     As Jim sat up he remembered the last thought he had for the evening, his resolve to enjoy life.   After watching the poor Andorian reject his new found sight, Kirk had resolved to the fact that Yalar was no better off with the gift of sight as he was during his blindness.  The captain realized he had to be grateful for his sight.  Enjoy!  Besides, he was proud of Spock.  Though the Vulcan wouldn’t label his action compassionate, his friend was indeed very supportive and gentle towards his follow scientist.  How many times had he or Bones labeled Spock as “unfeeling” when in truth the Vulcan was more humane in his compassion then some humans he knew?  //Sometimes we just don’t give Spock full justice that’s due to him and take him totally for granted.  What if I no longer had you, Spock?//

     After he showered and dressed, Kirk went to his desk intercom and asked to communicate with the object of his thoughts.

     "Spock speaking."

     "Morning, Mr. Spock!  And a wonderful morning it is... I swear if we were planet side it would be sunny and the birds would be singing!"  Knowing he was speaking in too cheerful a tone, Kirk could picture a Vulcan eyebrow rising quite high.

     "Captain, there would be too many variables involved to accurately determine the meteorological conditions of a planet without the proper equipment," Spock replied in a bemused tone.

     "Yes, well, never the less I was wondering if you would care to join me for breakfast?  That is, if you haven't already eaten?" questioned Kirk.

     "I have not broken my fast yet."

     "Good!  Then I'll meet you in the corridor!"

-----o<O>o-----

     Breakfast started out comfortably enough.  Jim attacked his meal of bran cereal and strawberries with gusto.  Spock enjoyed a simple repast of Kreyla, Vulcan biscuits, with Terran jam.  This was an 'indulgence' Kirk noticed that Spock had developed in the past year.

     There was a brief conversation of Yalar, his visor, necessary changes in the computer program, and the impending rendezvous with the Andorian shuttle.  The Andorian had asked for privacy in order to come to terms with his personal experience and had earlier refused an offer to join the men for breakfast.

     As they continued eating the men discussed the agenda for the morning staff meeting. "I suppose you have already reviewed what data we have on M93?" Kirk inquired.  The next mission of the Enterprise was a rather routine one of star mapping.  Star mapping would have been boring to the youthful captain.  However, this time it seemed to be considered a welcome reprieve.

     The science officer replied, "Yes, sir, I was able to study the information on the star cluster quite extensively last night,"

     "Spock!  Weren’t you supposed to be still resting last night?  Doctor’s orders?"

     In his usual unruffled manner Spock responded, "Jim, I have not been able to reach the usual level of my meditative state.  I did not want to let such time pass unproductively."

     Jim quickly asked, "Is everything okay, Spock?  Is it possible that you are suffering with some sort of side effects from the mind meld?  And in fact you had a most taxing day yesterday with Yalar’s surgery."  The captain's face clearly reflected a look of concern.

     The Vulcan reassuringly stated, "Jim, be assured that I am fully functional.  As the doctor and I both indicated, in a matter of time my mental state will reach its full potential."

     A quick stab of pain ran through Kirk's heart. //Do you realize I almost lost you, friend?// Images of lonely dinners, nights without the companionable chess games, and a missing Vulcan 'shadow' ran rampant through his soul.

     Pushing the images to the back of his mind, he stated, "Well, Spock, promise me that at the least sign of mental or physical distress you will report to McCoy."  Reaching over the table, Jim pressed his hand on Spock's forearm as if to emphasize his words.

     "Of course, Captain," replied a very efficient officer.

     Kirk stretched and moved out of his seat in a sudden fit of nervous energy.  "Well, Spock, let's get this show on the road."

     With a faint gleam in his eyes, Spock fell into the eternally evolving game of semantics.  "To what form of entertainment are you referring, Captain?”

     "The staff meeting, of course!" 

     To Jim the verbal exchange, which usually provided some measure of enjoyment, fell flat.  On the way to the briefing room, Kirk's mind returned to the previous, painful thought of losing Spock.  The thought of such devastation brought about the need of emotional defense...of self-preservation.  Kirk had always been the independent one, both emotionally and physically.  It was this independence and strength that made him the youngest captain in Starfleet, and put him where he always wanted to be, in the commanding chair of a starship. 

     Now he was beginning to realize how entrenched and dependent his wellbeing had become in his First Officer.  How had he allowed such feelings to develop?  Surely, if he nurtured such affections towards Spock things may turn out for the worse.  He might still lose Spock if he became overbearing in his concerns for the Vulcan’s well being.  And worse yet, what if this ‘weakness’ of concern for Spock affected a command decision?  Kirk just might lose the Enterprise.

     //Where are these thoughts coming from?// he mused. //Surely, no good will come from continuing this line of thought.//  Jim decided it was better to just push such thoughts back in the dark recesses of his mind.  There was nothing that he could do about it now anyway.  And as that twentieth century heroine, Scarlett O’Hara, was known to say, “There’s always tomorrow.” 

     Yet he shivered as if he could almost hear a small inner voice say, ‘Yes, go ahead, push your thoughts away.  And if you don’t want to rock your starship, push Spock away while you’re at it.’ 

     Blinders seemed to descend over Jim’s eyes as he subconsciously put some distance between Spock and himself during their walk to the briefing.  For surely it was the blinders that did not allow the captain to acknowledge a brief inquisitive glance of his First Officer.

-----o<O>o-----

     Seated in the briefing room, Doctor McCoy cradled a steaming cup of black liquid in his hands.  Someone called it coffee, but for the life of him McCoy just couldn’t link the name to the awful taste.  At least it was waking him up.  The doctor just wasn’t sure if it were the caffeine or the bitter taste that was performing the task.

     As he scanned the room Bones took inventory of the people who were there.  Most all of the department heads were present.  Uhura and Sulu were conferring in one corner.  Scotty was reviewing some schematics of the engines on a computer monitor.  Two other officers, Chekov and Lindsay, and a pretty young yeoman, Rosalind Harris, were conversing in low tones.  No one but McCoy seemed to be taking a chance with the coffee that had been ‘courteously’ set up in the corner of the room.   It was bad enough that the good doctor had a rough night, but to make matters worse he did not rise in time to have a decent breakfast.  

     Indeed, he had had a rough night!  First of all, there was Yalar.  Blast that Vulcan for being right.  The Andorian couldn’t take total benefit of his own invention, because of the stress to his system.  Yet, the experiment had been a complete success.  After spending half the night talking to the scientist about his dreams for his offspring and of the future, McCoy spent the rest of the night contemplating his favorite subject, Jim Kirk.

     McCoy was anxious to start the staff meeting because he had some serious observing to do.  He was never one to follow his own advice.  So though the doctor had told his captain the other night to get a good night’s sleep and to stay away from unsettling thoughts, it was Leonard who allowed the thoughts to dwell in his mind for the past two nights.  In fact, it was in the wee hours of this morning that the good doctor had developed a theory as to why the captain seemed so upset two days ago.  McCoy also rationalized that this may very well be the item that Miranda was referring to in her message.  As a scientist it was now his duty to observe, record, and test said theory to reach its logical conclusion.  Leonard McCoy felt quit smug all of a sudden.  Spock was not the only logical thinker on the Enterprise.

     //Anyway, where are the two causes of my hellish nights?// thought Bones.  // Wasn’t it 9 o’clock ---SORRY! ---- 0900 yet?  Everyone’s here but the two principle players.//

     Suddenly the door to the ship’s corridor whisked open.  As the department heads quickly headed for their seats, the two commanding officers, and McCoy’s focal points, entered and took their customary places at the head of the briefing table.  The doctor made sure he would be able to carry out his observation without obstruction by sitting directly across the table from the captain.

     The first thing Bones noticed when his friends entered into the room was stiffness between the captain and his first officer.  Spock always had his shields securely in place, but to McCoy the Vulcan’s defenses were on full force this morning.  The relaxed pose, which seemed to always appear in the proximity of a certain starship captain was gone, replaced by a ramrod figure.  

     What was most fascinating though was the body language of James T. Kirk.  The man always seemed to have an air of confidence and authority around him while at the same time being at ease, especially around the Vulcan.   Sometimes McCoy thought Jim’s body leaned towards Spock as though attracted by a magnet.  Such was not the case today, the captain here. seemed to have established an imperturbable wall around himself, stronger it seemed then the Vulcan’s own barrier.  It was as if the two men fed off of each other’s defenses, magnifying them.

     “If everyone is ready, we may begin.  Yeoman Harris, if you will begin to record.  Mr. Scott, we will start with the engineering report.”  Kirk’s tone was no nonsense, crisp, sharp, and clear.  But something was definitely missing.  After awhile McCoy realized it was the lack of civility that the Captain usually had.  Jim had not included a single ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ in his sentences.  He hadn’t even started out with a ‘good morning’.  This was quite unusual for what could be considered a routine briefing.

     //Fascinating// thought Bones.  What was also interesting was the overall mood of the briefing room as the meeting progressed.  The change in the two men had an interesting effect on the personnel.  Gone was a sense of camaraderie, the aura of professional pride that always surrounded the officers.  Scotty was gazing more at his hands then at the assembled group.  Sulu’s eyes slid back and forth as if to gauge the reactions of those around him.  Uhura couldn’t settle comfortably in her seat.  Poor Yeoman Harris, who was recording the proceedings, seemed so scared.  If someone said “Boo!” McCoy was sure she would jump clear out of her skin.  The overall feeling of the meeting to the doctor was that everyone wanted to leave as soon as possible. 

     As reports were given from the communication and navigation departments, McCoy’s mental list of the commanding officers’ behaviors grew in length.  One of the most interesting developments was the facial expression of both men.  To the casual observer Spock’s face was stoic as usual.  However, the Vulcan’s eyes never left Kirk.  Most unsettling was the expression of those eyes.  //It’s as if he’s a trying to ask Jim what went wrong // McCoy thought //or what did I do to deserve this treatment from you?// 

     Jim’s eyes were worse!  You could almost compare them to Yalar’s eyes.  It was as if he did not see anything around him.  The captain did not make eye contact with anyone.  He especially avoided Spock.   When Spock gave the science department report Kirk stared straight-ahead not looking in the Vulcan’s direction once.  Those hazel eyes that usually sparkled with life were dull and dead as if Jim was actually blind!  McCoy realized then that he had to have a talk with Kirk after the meeting.

     Following the reports, Captain Kirk outlined the Enterprise’s course and mission for the next month.  First Officer Spock provided background information on the star system, M93.  In a blink of an eye the meeting was over.  There was no ‘thank you’ or ‘job well done’ from the captain.  All Kirk said was, “You may now report back to your duty stations.”

     As the briefing room door whisked open it seemed to be reflecting the mental sigh of the collective officers.  The men and women could not seem to leave the room fast enough.  McCoy almost sprinted around the table in order to catch Kirk before the captain left the room.  Because of this maneuver the doctor was able to catch something even more intriguing, a practically one-sided conversation between Kirk and Spock.

     As Kirk noticed the doctor approaching he said, “In a minute, Bones.  Ah, Spock, if I may have a word with you?”

     “Yes, Captain?” asked Spock.  McCoy thought he heard a multitude of questions in those two words.

     Kirk, whose eyes focused on a point just over Spock’s left shoulder, replied,  “As you are already aware, I am scheduled to tour the biolabs at 1100.  However, with a monthly report due later today I believe I will postpone the tour to a later date.  Please inform your staff.  You may carry on.” 

     //Well, that was final!  There was clearly no room left for further questions or discussions,// thought McCoy.  The doctor felt a deep sympathy for the Vulcan, which was not as rare as some would believe.   McCoy’s gruff exterior covered a deep affection for the first officer, an affection that allowed the doctor to empathize with Spock.

     With a raised eyebrow Spock replied, “Yes, Captain.” 

     Stiffly, the Vulcan left the room.  Yet Kirk still did not look at the retreating Vulcan.  McCoy didn’t notice any signs of regret from the captain for his behavior towards Spock.

     The silence in the room was deafening.  Kirk turned to face the doctor.

     “Bones, as you can tell I’m a busy man,” stated Kirk when he finally broke the stillness.  “What is it you need?”

     Taking a deep breath McCoy inquired, “Jim, did you discuss Miranda’s message with Spock?”

     The captain swayed at the question and glared at the doctor.  “No” was the single crisp word that the man emitted.

     McCoy mumbled, “Oh!  I thought that might have explained it.”  The doctor was taken by surprise.  He had thought that the discussion over the message could have resulted in the two men’s change in behavior at today’s staff meeting.

      Impatiently, Jim stated, “Doctor, I don’t understand what your are trying to say at all.  I need to.........”

     “Do you remember the conversation we had just after the dinner party given for Miranda?” interrupted Bones.

     Slowly, the captain responded, “Not really.”

     “Well, you said something that bears repeating today!  I had stated that night that Miranda seemed vulnerable.  And you, James T., stated ‘we are all vulnerable.’  Remember?  What makes you vulnerable, Jim?  Yesterday I could have sworn your weakness was the Enterprise.  But after a sleepless night, I have come to the realization that the thing that makes you vulnerable is something totally different from this ship.”

     “Bones, you are starting to speak in riddles just like Miranda.  Would you please tell me what you are getting at?” insisted Kirk. 

     “Jim, I don’t think you are as ignorant of the situation as you wish me to believe.  I honestly think you chose to be blind to it.  It’s not necessarily that you want to protect yourself from the situation.  Is it that you are trying to protect someone else, perhaps Spock?”

     “Doctor, I refuse to continue with this conversation.  Now if you will excuse me!”  By now Kirk’s vocal level had increase by several decibels.

     McCoy thought, //Wow!  To what extent do his feelings go for that pointy-eared  hobgoblin?   Maybe even I’m afraid to look at the whole picture!  It’s up to Jim, and Jim alone, to determine this and resolve the situation.  But I need to give him a nudge to get the ball rolling.//

     “Well, Captain, sir, as your chief medical officer it is my responsibility to see to the well being of not only the officers of the Enterprise, but to the entire crew.  It is my frank opinion that what I witnessed today was quite harmful to everyone in this room.  And if it continues this may eventually affect the entire ship.  I am putting you on notice, sir!  Before the end of today I want you to reflect on yourself, your attitude towards this ship and its crew, including Spock.  Then I want you to discuss Miranda’s message with Spock.  If you refuse to follow my directions, I will personally drag both you and Spock into sickbay for a complete psyche exam!

     “And, captain, Yalar leaves us today.  In case you didn’t remember!  See you in an hour!”

     The doctor walked around the stunned captain.  As McCoy was crossing the threshold of the briefing room, he almost faltered.  For in glancing back into the room, Bones had a depressing view of Kirk.

     Jim stood alone in the big room.  His back was still towards the door, but the doctor could clearly see that the man’s once straight and proud shoulders had fallen, as if in defeat.

-----<o0o>-----

     The solitary figure of a man spoke in the empty briefing room as the sliding door sealed the room from the busy corridor.  “Well, what are you going to do now, James T. Kirk?”  There was a mixture of sarcasm and sadness in the captain’s voice. 

     In response to his own question Kirk drew a deep breath and stated firmly, “You are going to do what you always do, what you must do as captain of the Enterprise.”  Turning sharply on his heels the commanding officer quickly left the briefing room and headed for the bridge.

     The corridor of the starship was crowded with the day crew at midshift.  Kirk took note of all around him as his steps led him to the turbolift. “Bridge”, the single word command set the lift in motion.  Without the bustle of the corridor the silence invited Jim’s mind to replay his conversation with McCoy.  //Was Bones serious with his threat?   How am I going to go about confronting Spock, especially after the way I treated him this morning?// 

     The captain’s mind replayed the conversation he had with Spock at breakfast.  It was after that conversation, after the painful reminder of his near loss that Kirk’s hard automatic defenses had taken over.  Jim realized that as he and Spock had made their way to the briefing room, without even thinking about it, he’d built a wall, a wall that had even barricaded him from his best friend.

     The swift opening of the door brought Kirk back into the present.  As he stepped onto the bridge, hazel eyes automatically focused on the science console. The captain had developed this habit over the past three years.  //I know Spock’s in the biolabs,// thought Jim, //but I feel as if I need him near me, to know that he’s with me for one more day.//

     The captain scanned the bridge once, giving a brief nod to Uhura at communications.  Jim could feel her questioning eyes on his back as he stepped down to the center seat.  Yeoman Harris was immediately by his side with documents to sign.  With his approval all reports and documents were sent to his cabin for the completion of the monthly report.  Checking on the progress of the ship’s course, the captain turned over the command to Sulu. 

     As he was leaving Jim received word from the communication officer that Yalar’s shuttle was approaching.  “Please inform Dr. McCoy that I am on my way to see my guest off.  From there I will be in my quarters.  Lieutenant, do not disturb me unless it is an emergency.” 

     Uhura gave her commander an open look of question and concern.  Wanting to ease the woman’s mind, Jim softened his stern look with a small smile, a wordless apology for the unusual morning meeting.  Uhura responded with a smile of relief.   //One small victory, if only things go just as easily when I see Spock!//

-----<o0o>-----

     Yalar was ready to leave the Enterprise the same way he came, dressed in his sensory web and clutching his metal container.  The Andorian, who just the other day appeared so upset, now appeared to be full of a calm self-confidence.

     The three officers of the Enterprise were in the docking bay, ready to give the man a friendly send off. Once in a while Kirk would throw a concerned look at Spock.  However, the Vulcan chose not to reciprocate the eye contact.

     Warmly McCoy asked Yalar, “How are you feeling?  I was worried when you went into your quarters today and put the privacy lock on.”

     “Much better, Doctor.  I had to personally come to terms with the realization that the visor and sight was not meant for me.  However, it will be used for future generations of my family.  I will let my child be my eyes and describe the universe to me!”  Yalar warmly shook the doctor’s offered hand.  Then he turned to Spock.

     “I want to thank you, sir, for allowing us to assist you.  May all of your endeavors succeed.”  The deep voice seemed to project warmth to the scientist.  Who told him Vulcans had no emotions?  He could hear a multitude of them in Spock’s voice. 

     Yalar responded, “Thank you for your assistance.  The tape with suggestions you have given me will greatly advance the proper use of the visor.”

     Finally, he turned to Kirk.  “Captain Kirk, you are a fortunate man to have such valuable officers under your command and such good friends.  Starfleet had a formidable team when it matched the three of you together.”

     Jim patted Yalar on the shoulder and shook his hand as he spoke, “Sometimes I dread the thought of what the Enterprise would be like without them here.”  The captain’s voice projected over Yalar’s shoulder in the direction of Spock.  The scientist could feel some stress between the two men, whereas before he had only felt warmth and mutual admiration.

     As he made way towards the shuttle, Yalar left his newfound friends with a word of advice.  “Remember, gentlemen, do not pity the blind.  For there is a wealth of information that may be obtained through feelings, tactile. and emotional.  Don’t rely totally on your sight.”

-----<o0o>-----

     Once in the dimly lit environment of his quarters Kirk was able to shrug off some of his mantle of command.  His thoughts dwelled on the scene in the shuttle bay after Yalar had left.  Kirk turned to Spock, mouth open to apologize to Spock, only to see his first officer’s back as he was leaving the area.  A quick look at Bones showed that the doctor had a rather smug look on his face.  Rather than address McCoy, Kirk turned to leave also.  He almost stumbled when he thought he heard McCoy say something.  Some of the words sounded like “kiss” and  “make up”.  Maybe he should go and “make up” with Spock for the horrible way he treated his friend after the briefing.

     But there was duty, always duty!  Right now that duty required him to complete a monthly report to Starfleet.  //It’s after the report that I will face my personal obligations.//  Calling up the documents from the bridge, Kirk made sure all components of the monthly report were in order.  The report consisted of fuel and food consumption, change in personnel that might be required, any special request for equipment, medical reports, and the captain’s log.  It was the last two items, which prompted Jim to dwell more on his personal dilemma.

     “This is what started it all,” said Jim as he came across the medical report on Spock’s fitness and the logged account of the past few days.  //But did it start with the meld with the ambassador?// There had been many such logs over the past three years. As he counted the incidents the pain in his chest increased to the point that it was difficult to breathe.  Spock was attacked by the parasite on Deneva.  Charlie had broken Spock’s legs in rage.  Gary had almost killed Spock due to Kirk’s sense of friendship. He had almost lost Spock and McCoy on the Galileo. Worst of all these accounts was one that was never logged, the trip to Vulcan.  “There are some things that transcend even the discipline of the service,” Spock had said.  The words echoed in Jim’s mind.

     Service – Jim had told Spock he didn’t understand and had ordered Spock to explain.  Now here he was fighting with professional and personal feelings.  As he forwarded the completed report to Uhura, Kirk wondered, //Where does duty, even camaraderie, end and friendship begin?//  Was what he had with Spock a true friendship in human terms or a sense of professional obligation in Vulcan terms? 

     Moments crowded Kirk’s mind again and physically pushed him from his chair.    As Jim pressed his hand against the computer console one of his most cherished memories came to mind.  He could still hear Spock’s declaration of loyalty to him during the M5 incident.  “A starship, Captain, also runs on loyalty, loyalty to a man – one man.  Nothing can replace it.  Nor him.”   

     Yet, the man’s pent up energy would not allow him to remain still.  Kirk paced the small room once and stopped at the sleeping alcove’s partition. Leaning into the metal divider, Jim’s heart warmed as he recalled one brilliant smile in sickbay, Spock’s smile.  He remembered feeling as if he could have conquered the universe as long as that Vulcan was by his side.

     Approaching the mirror over his bureau, Jim envisioned the future with Spock.  //Will there even be a future for us after our five-year mission is up?  Will Starfleet let us work together?  Will we eventually move apart?//  Rapidly breathing and pushing away from the offending glass, Kirk walked back towards his desk.  Opening a drawer he gingerly pulled out Miranda’s disc. 

     Miranda’s words flowed over his troubled soul.  Her message became clearer during the second playing.  The ‘blindness’ was his.  The ‘relationship’ she referred to was the one between Kirk and Spock.  What was the ‘beauty’?  To him, beauty was Spock in his life, by his side.  Beauty was seeing the universe through Spock’s eyes.  The Vulcan was so much a part of his life that Jim felt he needed to entrap Spock in his heart and body.  The pain of want was so intense.  Jim pressed the sides of his temple with his hands as though he was squeezing the thoughts from his mind.

     It was at this point in his mental tirade that a “visor” was placed in front of Jim’s eyes.   In the brilliance of realization Jim saw that what he previously classified as affection and friendship had in fact developed into love.  //My God!  I’m in love with Spock!//  The thought caused a burning sensation at the pit of his stomach.  The mixture of sexual arousal, excitement and fear of an unknown future was almost too much for Kirk to handle.  The one constant factor, as far as he was concern, was his need to see and be with Spock. The thought of life without Spock was like darkness itself and too painful to comprehend!  The thought propelled Jim into action.

     The time had come to put all questions, barriers and fear of pain aside.  Jim had to face Spock and himself.  The fear of potentially ending a wonderful partnership and friendship was now outweighed by the need for more.  Besides, McCoy had been right, if Kirk continued to ignore these feelings not only would he and Spock suffer, but eventually the crew. 

     With a determined stride the captain left his quarters without notifying the bridge of his destination.  //Let them make an all-call if they need me!// he thought.  Kirk headed straight for the first officer’s quarters.  He did not think to contact Spock, Jim wanted to see if he could possibly catch the Vulcan off guard.  If Spock weren’t in his quarters, then Kirk would track him down.

     Affirming the presence of the first officer in his quarters the door softly opened allowing the captain to quickly step in.  Spock looked up from a seated position at his desk.  He appeared to be working on some lab reports.   Before the Vulcan was able to move or speak Kirk moved to a spot on the opposite side of the desk.

     Caressing the top of the computer monitor, Jim stated softly, “Spock, I first want to apologize for the way I acted this morning, particularly at the briefing.”  He paused in motion and words to allow Spock to feign ignorance, however the response was quite the opposite of Kirk’s expectation. 

     Jim watched Spock’s eyes lift from gazing at his hands on the computer into his face.  The look in those dark eyes was guarded.  “Sir, I was somewhat perplexed as to the behavior you exhibited towards the staff.”

     //Well, at least he admits that something is up.  Now to bring his attention down to a personal level.//

     With a deep breath Jim plunged forward.  “Spock, I received a message from Miranda the other day.  A message that has been the catalyst for some soul searching on my part.  Miranda stated that she became aware of some information that she felt I needed to be privy to.  This information became known to her through her meld with you.”

     While he spoke Kirk carefully watched Spock’s face.  The Vulcan first appeared to be interested with the classic uplifting of his right eyebrow.  However, with the last sentence the captain could have sworn he saw sheer terror in Spock’s eyes.  The Vulcan stood up and moved towards the partition in his room.  Kirk cringed as he realized this was a repetition of an earlier time.

     To quickly reassure his friend, Jim continued.  “Miranda did not give me the exact information.  However, she felt it was knowledge I was already in possession of...but afraid to accept for fear of pain.”  The silence in the room after his statement was deafening.   //What is he thinking about right now?  Will he listen now or shut me out?//  The unmoving figure of the man before him broke his heart.

     Softly Jim stated, “I once said to Bones that everyone is vulnerable.”  Spock’s back was still towards him as he continued talking.  “McCoy and just about everyone else believes that my vulnerable spot is the Enterprise.”  Moving around the desk and taking a hesitant step towards Spock Kirk asked, “What do you think my vulnerable spot is, Spock?”

     There was no response.  The Vulcan stood like a rigid statue.  Kirk nervously rubbed his fist into an opened palm.   Taking one closer step towards Spock, he slowly placed the opened hand over the Vulcan’s heart.  In a reverent tone Jim whispered, “I say that this is my most vulnerable spot.”

     A shudder ran through the body beneath his hand.  With a gentle squeeze, Jim removed his hand and stepped around to face his love.  Right now physical contact had to be put aside, truths had to be told, self-induced blindness had to be lifted.  //After all I’ve had several days to dwell on this even if I was kicking and screaming the whole time.  Spock is getting a baptism of fire.//  Kirk looked up into Spock’s face.  The vision of an emotionless void scared Jim more than the look of terror.

     “Spock, I have been doing some deep soul searching.  I’ve come up with one constant factor in my life that I know now I can’t live without.  And that is you!  I have realized it is you I wish to see during breakfast and dinner.  It is you I want to see every night over a chessboard.  It is you I look for on the bridge.  You are an extension of myself, the one I can count on without fail.”  Jim’s voice rose as he made this declaration, then suddenly softened again as he continued.  “I was too blind to also realize that it is you that I want to see beside me when I rise in the morning and lie down at night.  It is you that I want at my side when I leave the Enterprise and face an uncertain future.  I won’t be afraid of the road ahead with you by my side.” Jim willed all of his feelings to show on his face.

     Looking into Spock’s eyes as he spoke Jim watched a metamorphosis.  The dull, emotionless, guarded eyes slowly started to glow. Then Jim saw the birth of a bright radiance in those dark eyes. 

     “I love you.”  The Vulcan’s words caused Kirk to freeze for fear of breaking the moment.

     Finally breathing again Kirk stepped closer to Spock, keeping still a hair’s width distance between them.  With all the hope and joy he could muster, Jim asked, “When?” 

     Understanding Spock answered, “Since my return from Vulcan.  I knew then that if you were dead I would die also.  There was no desire to continue my existence.”

     “Why didn’t you tell me?”

     With a small, sad smile Spock countered, “Would you have been ready to accept such a change in our relationship?  It was enough to be near you and feel your presence.”

     //My poor Vulcan!  What you must have had to put up with...all the women.  And me blinded by my braids!//

     With a shudder Kirk realized if it had not been for Miranda’s message neither of them would have acknowledged this aspect of their relationship.  As if thinking along the same lines, Spock whispered, “Dr. Jones must have viewed such sentiments when she placed my thoughts in order.”

     “We have a lot to thank her for,” responded Jim as he lifted his hands to touch the Vulcan’s face. //What was that comment Yalar had made about relying on feelings?  How much I could learn about my friend right now with just the touch of my hands!//  Slowly his fingers ran through the soft black hair, over the upswept eyebrows, down the high cheekbones, and paused at the soft lips.  He memorized Spock’s face with his hands as though he was blind. 

     With one more look in those beautiful eyes, Jim saw worshiping love reflected back.  Gently, he pulled Spock’s head down.  Their lips met for a first, shy kiss.  He could feel his penis grow and swell as the blood rushed to the lower part of his body.  Pressing his body forward, he willed his passion to be felt by Spock.  Thrillingly Jim felt a responding hardness.  Two warm arms encircled his waist and pressed his cooler body into the cloth-enshrouded Vulcan steel. 

     Kirk lightly ran his hands from Spock’s face down his shoulders.  He drew the heat-radiating arms from his waist and cradled his love’s hands.

     “Spock.”  Jim said his beloved’s name as if it were a prayer.  Gently he led his soon-to-be lover towards the sleeping alcove.  Once by the bed he released the warm hands and reached for the hem of the blue shirt.  Carefully the clothing was pulled over Spock’s head.   Running his fingers through dark patches of chest hair hair. Jim thought,  //I never realized how erotic a man’s – NO – Spock’s chest could be.//  The feel of the expanded green chest told Kirk that Spock was not breathing.

     As Spock’s breath exhaled, Kirk let out a soft sigh and placed his head on the bare chest.  His arms encircled the green sculpted body.  When Spock reciprocated the hug Jim thought that he had reached heaven, that surely this was perfection complete.  However, it was his persistent first officer that proved that there was more to be desired. 

     Spock’s arms lowered to the hem of Jim’s shirt.  Stepping back he removed the offensive piece of clothing and began to worship his captain’s smooth chest with long, sensitive fingers.  Jim shivered with sensory overload and anticipation at the same time.  Yet Spock did not stay within the chest area.  With soft petting motions the Vulcan moved along his partner’s body until they reached the waistband of the uniform pants.  With trembling hands Spock unfastened Jim’s pants.  His actions accelerated, peeling the pants down his human’s legs.   Abruptly two shiny, black, boots halted the swift actions.

     What a priceless scene this was: a desperate, passionate Vulcan that was stopped by simple footwear.  Jim couldn’t help it.  Sitting on the bed with a thump he started to emit a deep, belly laugh.  Red in the face with tears in his eyes, he removed the cumbersome footwear and pants.  Realizing that Spock was still standing and not making a sound, Jim thought, //Please, God, help me!  I don’t want to ruin our chance of happiness with my human emotions.//  Yet, when he looked up at Spock he realized he had nothing to fear for what he saw was that soft smile.

     “Jim, it is very pleasing to hear you laugh.”

     Jim rushed to explain his reaction.  “Forgive me, Spock.  I’m just so happy that I couldn’t help laughing just now...but I was so scared that I might have insulted you!” 

     “There is nothing to forgive, my t’hy’la.  Our relationship is enriched by the sharing of the moment.  For you to be completely open and honest with me, as you have always been, is all that I ask for.  It is your honesty that I relied on to let me know when the moment was right to declare my...affections.”

     Thanking God for this wonderful man in front of him, Jim fell to his knees.  He carefully helped Spock remove his boots and pants.   A jade staff pointed into the golden face.  Fascinated by the rich color and a musk scent, Kirk lovingly rubbed his cheek against the silken steel.  Warm hands threaded through his golden hair.  Giving the glistening tip a parting kiss with promise of an active future, he stood up and drew Spock into a tight embrace.  A fiery kiss was ignited as the men sidestepped and slowly lowered themselves into the bed.  Kirk’s tongue slid between moist lips.  Licking at the porcelain door his tongue was sucked in and captured.

     Passion took over as the kiss deepened.  There was no embarrassment here, no hesitancy, and not even a chain of command.  The bed held the two in a cocoon of mutual respect and love.  Legs entwined.  Trying to crawl into Spock, Jim ground himself into the dearly loved body.  As their groins met the rhythm of their movements accelerated too fast for Kirk to comprehend.  Closing his eyes he rode Spock as he would a wave.  Underneath him the long, lean body arched and stiffened as the movement reached its peak.  In a chain reaction Jim went over the crest too.  He opened his eyes just in time to see his own seed spent.  A comparison of the splattering semen on green, slick skin to seafoam on ocean water came to his mind.

     Their first act of love was just as quickly dissipated as a wave.  But as Jim held Spock in his arms he knew there would be more to come.  Thus, there was no longing or dissatisfaction, just contentment and peace.  Even the sticky evidence of their action was left alone as a testament to the new turn in their relationship.

     A stifled yawn was heard as the captain contemplated his good fortune.  “Please forgive me, Jim, I seem to be in need of rest.”  Rolling off to his lover’s side, Kirk reached down to pull up the coverlet at the foot of Spock’s bed.  Once covered with the soft warmth he gathered his lover into his arms.   Gently, Jim kissed the tip of one pointed ear and softly said, “sweet dreams” as his Vulcan fell asleep. 

     Though he was tired too, he did not want to go to sleep just yet.  Jim wanted to savor the love he felt and saw in his arms just a bit longer.  Yet, sleep did gradually possess even the captain of the Enterprise.  His final thoughts as he drifted off were of his upcoming conversation with Bones and unanswered questions of his and Spock’s future. 

     //Our future together!  Yes, there may be some thorns involved, but it’s well worth the pain to hold the beauty.//

     With a tightening hold on his living life preserver, darkness and that last thought of roses claimed the mind of James T. Kirk.