|
BACKRUB Virginia Sky
"Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title."- Virginia Woolf
There is a saying: “You can never go back”. The past is the past and nothing can be done to change it, not even God according to the philosopher Agathon. But what if one could step into the past...not the ‘real’ past but a facsimile. All the ‘what if’s?’ could be answered once and for all.
For some of the more serious members of the Enterprise crew the Shore Leave planet was that a portal to the past. Of course there was those who lived out their fantasies, some that satisfied their carnal appetites, and crewmates who just wanted a good time. Yet, there were the few who saw an opportunity to heal old, emotional wounds...or to say one last goodbye. Doctor McCoy had even stated, “It’s just what the doctor ordered: fresh air, beautiful scenery, and old friends.” And for once, the doctor’s old friends were comparable to the beautiful, past acquaintances of his younger friend, James Kirk. Yes, the Shore Leave planet offered more than the Enterprise personnel could have imagined. In fact, for two individuals a trip to the planet and their past opened wide the door of their future.
After a very harrowing day on the mysterious planet, the starfleet men and women found that they had nothing to fear and much to enjoy.
“Captain, safety procedures have been established. Your crew is most welcomed to stay and enjoy themselves here.” Cordially, the caretaker addressed the senior staff member of the starship.
A grinning, and extremely filthy, Kirk responded, “Thank you, sir. I’m sure this will be one shore leave my crew will never forget.”
“Captain.” It was the First Officer, Spock. “I have taken the liberty to contact Lieutenant Uhura. Landing parties are being assembled as we speak, and, with the coordinates provided by the caretaker, they will soon commence to land in various areas throughout the planet. There is enough space to allow numerous, rotating teams to experience three solar days of leave within the given time span of five solar days.”
The caretaker spoke, as he moved toward the hedges and a hidden entrance to the planet’s interior, “Since that is the case, gentlemen. I must go below to supervise. Indeed I am looking forward to providing the most satisfactory entertainment I can to a new set of customers.” The elderly man vanished in the deep green foliage.
Glancing towards the waiting figure of a slender woman, Kirk turned one last time towards his shipmates. “Bones, Spock, I’ll see you in three days!”
“Of course, Captain, ‘enjoy’ your shore leave,” a deep voice answered.
Starting to go, Kirk paused for a moment, smiled, and gazed into the neutral face of the Vulcan. “I will, Mister Spock...Perhaps there is someone in your past that you might want to visit?”
“I assure you that such is not the case, Captain.”
Laughing, Kirk quickly moved to join the young woman at the edge of the glen.
As the various personnel in the original landing party moved off on their separate paths, Spock continued to watch the Captain strolling away with the mysterious woman, Ruth. And as he watched, the man contemplated. Why would one need to re-experience the distant past when there is much to contend with in the present. Catching himself musing outside the realm of meditation, and closer to the state of daydreaming, Spock quickly pulled out his communicator. Immediately, the officer vanished in a sparkling haze. **** Spock preferred staying onboard the Enterprise during shore leaves. Much could be accomplished with little interruptions. For indeed the first officer could take this time to catch up on research, journal entries, and his meditations. Though as a Vulcan, Spock faithfully observed his daily meditation sessions, he still was limited into the state of focus he could descend. For it was not uncommon to be interrupted, whether by emergencies or a lonely captain, and the deeper the level, the longer the transitions to normal awareness.
He had told Kirk once that such levels of inner focus were the equivalent of a human vacation. Thus, Spock did intend to take a reprieve in the manner of his home planet. After assessing that the skeleton bridge crew was working efficiently, the first officer retreated to his quarters. First item, on his personal agenda was the deep mediation session. Surely, there was a minimal chance of any emergency occurring while the Enterprise was in orbit, and definitely the captain, at this moment, was not lonely.
As Spock followed the mantras...the deeper his level of conscience went...the more vivid images from the immediate past became ingrained in his mind. First, there was the sight of an evidently delighted Kirk, who was receiving a back rub from Yeoman Barrows. Next, the look of chagrin when Kirk realized it wasn’t Spock’s hands that touched his back. This was followed by the view of a pleased human, as Kirk looked towards a former...lover? Spock became uneasy at the images that dwelled in his mind. The meditation that the Vulcan anticipated so, became an unsettling matter. As he returned to his normal level of awareness, he had concluded one substantial fact. The overlying, common denominator to all his memories was his friend, James T. Kirk. **** “I tell you, Kathy, it was the best thing I could have done!”
“I don’t know, Tom, it seems morbid to me for you to talk to your ‘dead’ mother.”
It was the third day that the Enterprise was orbiting the Shore Leave planet. Sitting in the mess hall Spock’s super-hearing seemed to gravitate to the quiet conversation that was taking place in one corner of the room.
It was not proper decorum to over-hear what was evidentially private. However, the traffic in the hall was light for that hour of the day. Thus, to the Vulcan the words were loud enough to comprehend, without concentration. Glancing in the direction of the voices, Spock noted the two individuals who were talking, lab technician, Kathy Marsh, and Ensign Tom DeLane.
Tugging at her earlobe, Marsh continued, “I mean wouldn’t it be depressing to see someone you loved that is no longer alive? Didn’t the fact that...that ‘thing’ was not your ‘real’ mother bother you?”
“Listen, 'till this week I had one regret in my life. I was not with my mother when she died, but clear across the galaxy. I knew she was dying, but I didn’t have the means to reach her in time...in time to say goodbye. Not even a vid message could have reached her in time.” DeLane’s words painfully reflected the emotional drama that the young man was reliving.
Placing a supportive, gentle hand over his fist, Kathy softly asked, “Tom, did the experience really help?”
Tom turned his hand in Kathy’s and entwined their fingers. “Kathy, it did. I don’t know if I can explain it, or even if I understand it, but when I meet Mom down there I was back home. I wasn’t role playing...I was home. With her in front of me I was finally able to say the things I longed to say to her. Now...now I feel like I can leave the past behind and go on with my life.”
With a squeeze of hands the two young people rose to leave. Their conversation faded away as they left. Yet the discussion had not ended. For as Spock departed the words of the young ensign seemed to play over and over again in his mind...“I can leave the past behind and go on with my life.” **** Throughout the day Spock’s thoughts dwelled on the ensign’s words. Humans were such emotional creatures. They allowed themselves to be encumbered with events from the past -- events that could no longer truly influence their actions. And yet, it is their obsession on these past acts that could and did impair their present state of being.
Surely, I and my fellow Vulcans are immune to such emotional influence? thought Spock. Then the remembrance began. Wasn’t it past memories of Kirk, which interfered with his meditation? Why have my thoughts, my awareness become more and more focused...centered on this one human? Perhaps I am not as immune to human emotions as I thought. Perhaps this is another element of my hybrid nature that is something of a deterrent, he reasoned.
Yet, what was his pattern of logic, of reason, based on? Yes, the philosophy of Vulcan, of Nome...and yet, this line of reasoning was taught and perhaps even altered by his first teachers, his father and his human mother. Who had influence the way Spock rationalized aspects of his life, including his relationship with other beings? His parents, of course. The answer opened another door to his past, a door that led to deeper questions. These inquiries had always been lurking in Spock’s conscience since his kahs-wan, since his departure to starfleet, since his last communiqué to his mother. Perhaps a visit to his own past would indeed set the Vulcan on the correct path...to establish a strong relationship with another individual, be it with a friend or with a desired, as yet unknown…t’hy’la. **** The one course of action left to Spock was to go to the planet below. Perhaps answers would be given to questions that for too long were left unanswered. However, his first obligation was to the present and his position as first officer. He determined that everything was currently running quite proficiently. In fact, Mr. Scott had just concluded his own personal shore leave. The engineer was ready to relieve the Vulcan with words of encouragement, such as “Aye, lad, it was well worth the time...better than studying me new tech manuals.”
Free from his responsibilities, Spock’s next step was to plan his leave. Being a logical individual he did not want to waste what time he had with any errors of judgement. Thus, the Vulcan spent some private time determining whom he would encounter on the planet and what topics would be discussed.
This left one last matter to take care of. With the aid of Uhura, Spock opened a communication link with Captain Kirk from his cabin.
A relaxed voice...a voice free of responsibilities acknowledged the open line. “Kirk, here.”
“Captain, First Officer Spock here. I wish to inform you that I will be taking my shore leave on the planet for the remaining 2.4 solar days.”
The response Spock received was quite unexpected. Soft laughter filled the room. In a jovial voice, Kirk replied, “Spock...I should know my friend’s voice by now. You...you really want to come to the planet for shore leave?”
Puzzled, Spock inquired, “Is there any reason why I should not beam down?”
“No, No! I’m delighted that you would want to take some personal leave.” There was clearly a smile in Kirk’s voice as he continued, “Do you want to meet at any specific location?”
“Actually, sir, I would rather appreciate some solitude at this time.... Perhaps later we can rendezvous?”
Spock heard a tone of sadness in the captain’s next few words. “I see... My three days of leave are up. I’ll beam up immediately to relieve you from your post, Mr. Spock.”
“That will not be necessary,” the first officer quickly assured. “Mr. Scott is in command at this time. May I suggest that you might stay an extra day on the planet, Captain.”
“Rank has its privileges...hey, Spock.” Some of the joviality had returned in the man’s voice. “Alright, then I’ll see you in two days, Mr. Spock. Enjoy yourself.”
“Thank you, Captain.” The Vulcan did not bother to stress the fact that Vulcans did not ‘enjoy’ themselves. He simply logged off, picked up his duffle bag and quietly left his quarters. **** "We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it."- Lyndon B. Johnson
Slowly, Jim Kirk closed the communicator. Odd...he never would have thought Spock would have taken personal leave, especially here on this planet. Then too he had thought that maybe they could have had some time together, if Spock was beaming down. The Vulcan certainly had nixed that idea.
“I wonder what he’s up too?” muttered the perplexed man.
A soft sigh drew Kirk’s attention to the beautiful vision in front of him. Ruth. Smiling, he reached across the café table and gently grasped her hand, which held a bright orange flower.
“Jim, you seemed miles away. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, Ruth. It just that Spock NEVER takes personal leave. And I really had hoped that you could have met my friend. In some ways he really reminds me of you.”
The petite blonde gently smiled as her right eyebrow raised, “Really?”
Laughing Kirk responded, “Really.”
Seeing Ruth was like a breath of fresh air. How many years had it been...seven...eight? Too long! Thanks to memories triggered by a flower on this very unusual planet, Kirk was able to see once again his first love...the woman he had wanted to marry. **** It was one of the very few times that Kirk and Gary Mitchell got to meet for vacation. Kirk, the ever-eager explorer and mountain climber, had convinced his friend to go to Switzerland. “Hey, Gary, you can’t beat it. Beautiful mountains, great skiing, and beautiful women.” Of course, the word, women, was the clincher in the sales pitch. Unfortunately, vacation did not turn out as Kirk had envisioned it. On the second day, Gary broke his leg skiing. Modern medicine was quick healing, but not fast enough. Gary would be off his leg for a week. Yet, for the week he was immobilized, beautiful, sympathetic women surrounded the young man. Later, Mitchell would say that this had been one of the best vacations he had ever had.
For Kirk it was turning out to be the worst time of his life until he encountered Ruth. The young man was just completing a lonely hike down one of the numerous mountain trails when he heard a familiar sound...a sound that seemed out of place in Switzerland. It was the trilling of a tricorder. Following the sound he came to a lovely meadow filled with edelweiss and one lovely young woman. She was wearing practical, light blue overalls, was petite, and had shining blond hair. Unfortunately, she was so engrossed in her readout that she did not hear James Kirk walk up to her. Though his ‘hi’ was said gently it was still subtle enough that the woman jumped. Thus, an apology started their first conversation.
She was Ruth O’Connell, a botanist, visiting from the Mars Colonies. And she became the saving grace for Kirk’s vacation. Ruth was an individual who was serious about her job, yet she was fascinated by the beauty it entailed. Her personality broached no frivolity. In fact, she wasn’t the least impressed with Kirk’s friend, Gary, nor did she succumb to his charms like so many others. Yet, she had a wonderful dry humor that kept Kirk laughing for hours. Gently, Ruth led Kirk into many long talks of future hopes and dreams. She became a valued friend.
As the two weeks vacation was drawing to an end James Kirk came to realize that the friend had become his love interest. It was after their first night together as lovers that Kirk discovered he would not be able to live without Ruth. He knew that she would indeed become Mrs. James T. Kirk. And so, the day before their vacation was to end, as Ruth became more solemn...Kirk made plans for a romantic dinner that included a proposal.
Kirk was just putting on his formal best when he received word that Ruth was rushed to the hospital. Shortly after Kirk had seen Ruth that afternoon, she had collapsed. The doctor stated that it was a viral infection, a nasty bug that could actually damage the internal organs...especially the heart. For the next two days, the panic-stricken man stayed by the weak woman’s side. He held her hand, cajoled her to stay with him. Kirk even proposed to Ruth by her hospital bed. Sadly, she was delirious most of the time, not aware of the anguish her lover felt.
It was on the dawn of the third day that Ruth softly slipped out of Kirk’s life. For the young man the death was something he was not yet prepared to face. He and those around him were in their prime! Wasn’t modern medicine supposed to eliminate such senseless deaths? The pain was so intense that Kirk drowned himself in his career and never looked back. His social life became a steady string of affairs...no commitments and no emotional ties. Just the way he wanted it, or so he thought.
James T. Kirk had not counted on one Vulcan entering his life. Now as the man sat across from his former love, his thoughts caressed the past several years. Spock...the officer who was so serious about his work, yet was enthralled by the beauty and wonders of science. Spock...the one on the Enterprise’s staff that was not impressed by Gary Mitchell’s charm. Spock...the friend whose dry humor brought much enjoyment to Kirk. Their conversations were indeed treasured moments in the captain’s life.
Stunned, Kirk’s mind questioned, Does Spock remind me of Ruth? He’s so much like Ruth, and yet....
When Kirk had spotted the unusual flower on the Shore Leave Planet, he had briefly thought how Ruth would have been interested in the plant life. However, accompanying that thought was also another...'how like Spock, Ruth was.' Spock was a constant companion in his thoughts more and more often lately. The Vulcan had become an important element in Kirk’s life. And now...now it seemed that maybe he wanted more...more what? What more could he want than their wonderful friendship?
The matured man began to realize the significance of Spock in his life. He was now ready for a commitment that went beyond his career. The Shore Leave Planet was now giving him the chance to leave Ruth, and ‘what could have been’, in the past. Looking into the woman’s eyes he knew that now he could do just that; leave Ruth behind. Now was his chance to say goodbye. **** "The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character." –Isabelle Eberhardt:
The object of Kirk’s thoughts had just materialized on the planet surface. Spock had purposely chosen the area where he last saw his captain. The edge of the glen that led to an arid region would suit his needs just fine. It was as though the first officer wanted to walk away from the present and into his past. A shiver ran through the thin Vulcan frame as the man adjusted his body temperature to withstand the cooler climate of the planet.
Spock had deliberately taken his time in coming to this place. He wanted to pick an area that closely resembled the environment of his planet. There was an uncertainty as to the extent of the planet’s ability to manipulate the surroundings, and to what extent should it influence his decision. Of course, he wanted to return to his home planet. The question was what era? His childhood...or should he select a more recent time? These were the questions he had resolved on the Enterprise before he talked to Kirk.
As the tall figure moved toward the desert area thoughts turned to the past. He recalled a time when home was confining. The restraints of Shi-khar was not just physical but psychological. His mind pictured a certain Vulcan manor with an unusual feature for that arid climate, a garden...on a night when Spock tried to sever his family ties.
In a simmering second Spock was walking not on the Shore Leave planet, but on his home world. Incredible...had the mechanics of this place actually produced such an environment...or did it treat the visitor’s mind to an illusion...or both? He would have to investigate the technology when he got a chance. For now, Spock surprisingly sensed a feeling of homecoming, which lasted for a brief moment.
To Spock the essence of night felt the same as the last night he was on Vulcan. Of course, that night was no different from previous Vulcan nights, except for the aura of apprehension. Yes, he would admit the emotion...he had to if this journey into the past was going to be effective. The aroma of roses assailed his nasal senses. Spock now stood in the middle of a garden mixed with plant life known to Vulcan and Earth. He allowed his thoughts to conjure and caress an endearing picture of his human mother working with her rose bushes. ((Rose Bush)) Too soon a foreboding mansion overshadowed the garden. The dark dwelling reflected the Vulcan ages and the persona of one Vulcan in particular -- Sarek. Logically built, the stone facade was constructed to effectively control the temperature of the interior...be it in the heat of day or the cool of night. Yet, the interior was always cold to Spock no matter what time of day.
As he stepped up to the entrance, Spock realized how his childhood home personified his parent’s marriage. It was a combination of Terran and Vulcanian, a contrast of emotion and logic. Indeed it was like Spock, himself, the product of their union.
Massive doors opened to reveal a slender, small woman. “Spock!”
Softly murmuring, Spock responded, “Mother.” He was about to say -- ‘she who is in the image of my mother’. However, this would defeat the purpose if he did not go with the scenario. From this moment on he was on Vulcan in the company of his parents.
“Spock! It’s so good to have you home. Come inside,” Amanda couldn’t keep her delight from reflecting in her voice. Though she moved towards her son she did not offer to embrace him.
“I assume that father is at home as well?”
“Yes, he is by the hearth right now, reading.” Spock and his mother slowly walked through the foyer of the home and entered a great room.
In front of a roaring, fire an older version of Spock sat. Very rigid features were highlighted by the bright glow of the warm fire. Raising from his seat, Sarek, saluted and said, “Spock.”
“Sir,” Spock slightly inclined his head.
“Why do you honor us with this visit? Are you prepared to return to Vulcan permanently and fulfill your vocational training by joining the Science Academy teaching staff?” Amanda quickly stepped up to Sarek and placed a tentative hand on her husband’s arm. A look of apprehensiveness was in her eyes. “No, sir. I am not.” To Spock, his father’s face seemed to harden more, and his mother’s countenance seemed to be very wary. “Sir, I seek to obtain knowledge which has alluded me for the past 17 years.”
“And how might I aid you in obtaining such knowledge?”
“By answering a question, sir. Why would you never mind meld with me?” With the words said, Spock heard Amanda gasp as she put a hand up to her mouth. Sarek remained rigid, unmoving. To his own hearing, Spock thought that the question sounded juvenile. Yet, it had been a question that had haunted him for most of his life.
Swallowing he continued, “I had theorized that perhaps it was the hybrid situation that prevented you from enacting your family duty. As a child I believed that you didn’t want to meld due to my undisciplined mind with all its human factors.”
Sarek’s face slightly softened, “Now we are aware of the true conflict here. It is not a choice of careers, but a choice of spiritual growth. My son, I did not intend to isolate you from the family. You are a treasure to our family, clan, and people...the true essence of IDIC. Spock, as your mother carried your embryo, as we waited for your full term birth from the embryonic chamber, I came to one conclusion. You are a unique individual...a combination of nature and science, of Vulcan and Terran...and of passion and logic. I deliberately choice not to meld with you for I did not want to limit the growth of your rational...to set boundaries.”
Deep in thought, Spock mused, “As I was teased by my classmates for my human traits, sir, I began to conclude that you were perhaps displeased with the human elements in my make up...that you too, did not want to be ‘contaminated’ by my human thoughts.”
“Oh, Spock!” his mother cried, “Don’t you realized when you were tormented ...we were tormented too. Your father and I felt your pain just as though we shared a bond with you. We did not want to magnify your pain, by letting you see how it affected us.” Sighing she continued, “Instead of protecting you, I fear we may have done you much harm.”
Looking into his mother’s tearful eyes, Spock did not disapprove the open display of emotion. Indeed he began to feel astonishment. Here was the prime example of how the lack of communication, be it by words or bond, could lead to misunderstandings.
“Father,” inquired the young man, “I would also like to know your entire reasoning for not giving me your blessing to join Starfleet?”
“Spock, of course one reason was to follow the family tradition. However, I had two other reasons which at the time I did not wish to share with you....”
Raising his brow, Spock replied, “Indeed?”
“Yes, first though your mother thought you might benefit from exposure to other humans, I questioned the legalistic. For I have seen much prejudice and emotional abuse among your mother’s people. I concluded that you may come to more psychological harm then what you experienced during your childhood.”
Amanda softly smiled as she asked, “What were the people like at starfleet, Spock?”
“As father believed, I did encounter some individuals who were very rigid in their thought patterns, and in some cases, very abusive. However, I have also made the acquaintances of some that I would classify as my friends."
“There are two individuals who most certainly exemplify the positive qualities of the human race, Captain Pike and my current commander, James Kirk.” Looking to the floor as he was speaking, Spock raised his eyes and looked directly into his father’s dark eyes. “In Captain Pike’s case I had even generalized that he was what I would speculate a human father would be. Christopher Pike was to me a teacher, confidant...a mentor. I greatly miss him."
“Sir, you mentioned two other reasons you did not want me to join the academy. May I ask what the last reason was?”
“Spock, may I show you?” The deep voice asked as Sarek’s hand extended towards his son’s temple. He was offering something, which Spock had longed for most of his life.
Spock stepped into his father’s hands and into an order mental state. A mental state that shone...was tempered...with the ‘love’ for his wife and...and his son? Spock saw his own birth through his father’s eyes. He saw his father’s hidden pride, not contempt. Through the paternal mind he witnessed his own childhood tormentors and felt the controlled anger and hurt. On that night seventeen years ago, Spock felt his father’s anguish at the departure of his son...his wish to influence or hold his son with an unannounced declaration of love. Surprisingly, the younger Vulcan also discovered that Sarek used his ambassadorial influence to follow Spock’s starfleet education and career. Again he felt the pride his father projected from his son’s accomplishments. The gift that was given to the man was the fact that his father did accept his son in all terms of a Vulcan family and beyond. His father’s last reason for wanting to keep his son on Vulcan was his unspoken love.
Slowly Spock stepped away. He glanced over to his mother. Amanda’s face was wet with tears. Through that veil of tears her features were soften with a smile and open look of love. **** For the next two days he stayed with his parents. They discussed the events of their years of separation. Though these parents were imitations, Spock was able to put to rest the pain of the past. The Vulcan learned two important lessons from this encounter. One may be a cliche, but he now KNEW that things were not necessarily as they seem...nothing should be assumed. Indeed, when it came to personal matters, the individual should step back and examine carefully. Also, Spock summarized that communication was important in any relationship, be it through a meld or vocal. The man could leave behind his past pain and look forward to a promising future.
It was as Spock was contemplating his departure...to return to the Enterprise, his home...that his mother asked an important question.
“Spock, is there anyone ‘special’ in your life...since T’Pring?”
Immediately, a golden human came to mind. But all he said was "I believe I have found my t'hy'la."
Then he told his parents of the human commander, Kirk. How Jim had bounded off a transporter pad with unbridled enthusiasm and into the Vulcan’s life. Their son talked of the growing friendship that was forged by chess games, long talks, and many adventurous risks.
Though he did not relate the incidents aloud, Spock remembered the incident of the Yeoman Barrow’s backrub and his irritation at the fact that the woman’s hands were on the captain. He had to make sure the captain saw that it was not his first officer fawning over his body. Spock also recalled a sinking feeling he experienced as he watched Kirk walk away with the mysterious woman. He wondered if it was the emotion, jealousy that he had experienced.
Yes, he wanted Kirk as a companion...a mental partner...his t’hy’la. Yet he knew if he were to have such a union with Kirk, it would have to include a physical relationship. The thought of a sexual liaison with his commander was not the least bit unsettling to Spock.
When he stated that he desired James Kirk as his t’hy’la, Sarek surprisingly did not object. Instead he slowly nodded his agreement. “Spock, you are a unique individual. It is logical that you would want a relationship with an equally unique individual, no matter what the sexual orientation of that person may be.”
Now he knew what he wanted to do. His future seemed that much clearer then it had ever been before. Spock had a course of action to follow. But for now he would say goodbye to his parents.
“I must take my leave of you now.”
Amanda’s soft voice chimed, “Spock, I hope you find fulfillment in your life.”
“Please let James know that he is welcomed into our family,” added Sarek.
“I will,” seemed to be the standard response for both questions. As he turned to leave, the Vulcan stopped and to the delight of Amanda, kissed the woman tenderly on her cheek.”Then saluting his father, he concluded by stating, “Live long and prosper, my father.”
As he left the dwelling, his Shore Leave family faded once again into the past. Spock made one resolve. He was going to communicate with his family as soon as possible. However, first he must convince one starship captain to become eternally bonded with him.
He took out his communicator and stated, “Enterprise...Enterprise...this is First Officer Spock. Please have the transporter room beam me up at these coordinates.” Spock was going home. **** "Shut out all of your past except that which will help you weather your tomorrows."-Sir William Osler:
Captain Kirk sat in his command chair on the Enterprise’s bridge. With his elbow on the arm of the chair and chin resting on his hand, he appeared to be a man deep in thought. Actually, the commander was focusing on the communication station behind him. Throughout the morning crewmembers were reporting back in from shore leave. Things were winding up. The starship would soon be heading towards its new assignment, which had been received from starfleet command earlier.
But for now the commander had a personal mission that he had to take care of first. He had resolved some issues with his life. Now the most important thing was to make sure that the most important person in his life was back where he belonged...home on the Enterprise.
“Enterprise...Enterprise...this is First Officer Spock. Please have the transporter room beam me up at these coordinates.”
As Uhura responded to the message Kirk quickly moved from his seat to the turbolift, “Mr. Sulu, you have the comm.”
The journey to the transporter room was just as exciting to the captain as if they were on red alert. For the past two days he came to some conclusions...to some insights...thanks to the Shore Leave Planet. He concluded that life was ever changing, that you can learn from the past no matter the length of time it takes, and that you should seize the day...to live it to its fullest. James Kirk was walking towards a new phase of his life.
Just as Kirk entered the transporter room, Spock’s form was solidifying on the transporter pad. A smile softly lit his face as joy filled his heart. His Vulcan was back were he belonged. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward, “Welcome abroad, Mr. Spock. I hope you had a restful shore leave?”
“Indeed, Captain, it was a most beneficial time as well as refreshing. And your leave, sir?”
“Great...just great.” Kirk paused for a second, then continued, “Spock, we received our new orders. I thought that after you were finished unpacking, we could meet in my cabin. Go over the orders and maybe even have dinner.”
Spock looked deeply into Kirk’s face as if he were searching for something. “That would be most agreeable, Captain,” the Vulcan responded.
Kirk walked with Spock to officer’s territory. Leaving Spock at the door to the first officer’s quarters, the human continued to set his plan in action. After checking on the bridge and determining all personal had reported in, the captain issued orders for the Enterprise to leave orbit and set the heading for its next destination. He then ordered two meals to be delivered to his cabin. Lastly, Kirk would make sure that everything in his cabin was in order. **** The captain was moving a chair around his desk when a signal indicated that Spock had arrived. “Come,” responded Kirk as he settled the chair next to his. “Sit down, Mr. Spock. I thought since it would be beneficial for us to view the command tapes together it would be best if we were seated on the same side.” Kirk felt a big ‘duh’ in his mind. I feel as if I’m rambling like a lovesick puppy!
But if Spock noticed the mood his captain was in, he didn’t indicate it. Smoothly the officer sat in the selected chair. Kirk quickly settled in his seat and began the briefing. Though he felt proud of the way he maintained his professionalism, the man still could not help but feel the lulling warmth of the Vulcan’s body heat radiating at his side. Kirk wanted to melt within that warmth. He felt as if he could stay like this for an eternity.
Just as they completed the details of their next patrol, two yeomen arrived with the evening meal. Kirk and Spock removed all work materials from the desktop. As they cleared the area at one point Kirk’s hand brushed Spock's. It was as though an electric shock ran through the younger man. As he looked up into his friend’s face Kirk noted a softened look accompanied by a raised eyebrow. Boy did you do it now, JT. Sure let Spock read your mind...spoil it all. He sadly expected Spock to leave with the yeomen. With an inner sigh of relief Kirk realized that Spock was staying.
However, as the yeomen were leaving Spock bent down to move his chair. “Spock, why don’t you just leave it there. The plates are set already for this arrangement. There’s plenty of room for both of us on this side.”
Placing his chair back down at its previous location, Spock stated, “Very well, Captain.”
“'Jim,' Spock. You can call me Jim. Let’s say we’re off duty now and just enjoy the meal and each other’s company.”
“As you wish...Jim.”
Conversation was light during the meal. Both men skirted the topic of their respective shore leaves. Neither inquired details from the other for fear of reciprocation. So the items of their discourse included some mundane elements with a bit of shop added in.
At one point of the meal Kirk reached across the table to secure a thermal pot of coffee. The movement caused his thigh to rub against Spock’s thigh. Though prior to this he would have quickly ignored the incident and removed his offending limb, Kirk was encouraged by his accident. For he didn’t feel Spock’s usual defensive action. Normally the Vulcan would have slowly moved his leg away, as though he wished not to insult the intruder, yet didn’t want to continue the contact. This time it was as if Spock actually pressed his thigh into Kirk’s. Moving back into his seat, the excited man slowly allowed his thigh to caress the other’s leg again.
Blood rushed to Kirk’s head, his breath quickened. Get a grip, man. You might be reading too much out of this. He was contemplating telling Spock of the life decisions he had made on shore leave, yet fear was putting a brake on his plan. Will I spoil a wonderful friendship? I feel like an uncertain groom at the altar. All the tension Kirk felt began to focus in on that damn kink in his back, which came back in full force. With a groan he arched his back forward. While facing his dilemma he did not notice how carefully his friend was observing him. All of a sudden, wonderful, soft, loving hands massaged his back. There was no mistake here...no Yeoman Barrows. Those warm, vibrant hands belonged to Spock.
Kirk’s body seemed to mold into Spock’s hands. Pain, tension, and fear were washed away and replaced with love and respect. These emotions, Kirk realized, were not only of his own, but were projected by Spock. This was all the encouragement he needed.
Slowly he turned around reaching for and grasping the long tapered fingers. Urging the standing man to sit, Kirk stared full force into the dark, shining eyes without saying a word. What he saw there was just what Kirk had felt earlier. Shining forth from Spock’s eyes where the emotions, yes emotions, of love and respect. The dark orbs fairly shouted the man’s sentiments to one very observant reader of unique Vulcans.
Still holding the older man’s hands, Kirk softly said, “Spock, I have made some major decisions about my life -- how I should accept the past and move on, how I should look to the future… and most importantly how I don’t want to face that future alone.”
“Indeed, Jim. It would seem as though both our shore leaves have produced similar results. For I too have determined that in my life I am ready to share my future with a t’hy’la.” The deep voice faded as Spock focused on the sight of his and Kirk’s held-fast hands.
Though he already had an idea what the answer would be, Kirk shyly asked, “What’s a t’hy’la?”
Still looking at the hands, the Vulcan responded, “Jim, in my culture the ultimate relationship an individual can have is with a companion that is a friend, soulmate...and sexual partner. The union of the two is solidify and enhanced by the joining of their minds and bodies.
Suddenly, the shining cap of hair rose and dark eyes pierced Kirk’s face. “I have determined that I have been alone too long. With past pains dampened, uncertainties appeased, I am ready to share my life, my future...my love with a soulmate.”
Kirk’s heart was in his throat. It was almost impossible to make the words pass the blockage, but he did ask, “Who is this soulmate?” As he spoke he gripped the fingers in his hands with a bruising strength, as though he dared the dear one to deny it. But there was no turning back, bravely facing forward, Spock uttered one word, “You.”
Kirk let go of the air that he had not realized he had held in his lungs. Slowly leaning forward, he continued to cling to the other’s hand like a life preserver. The human mouth hovered over the Vulcan’s as he softly whispered, “Spock, will you be my t’hy’la?”
With a panting “yes” Spock lurched forward and planted his lips onto his partner. All emotions surged forth. As tongues explored and lips ravished, Kirk took the held hands and lowered them. First the joined hands rested on the hardening mound on Spock’s lap. Then he guided them to his own lap. He wanted Spock to feel the mutual passion. There would be no denial from either of them.
Breaking the kiss, panting for air, Kirk gazed into Spock’s green-flushed face. Holding his gaze, the eager lover lowered onto his knees, pushing the chair away with his behind. With the joined hands he caressed the taut thighs, widening the long, lean legs, making a nesting home for this human. Then raising the hands to his lips, staring into his beloved’s bright eyes, Kirk kissed each finger. As he came to a thumb he sucked the digit for a few seconds. Once the oral assault had been completed he gently placed Spock’s hands on his shoulders.
Unzipping Spock’s pants, he urged his friend to lift his hips, allowing the removal of both pants and briefs. The jaded, double-ridged penis waved in the air. To Kirk the staff was a thing of beauty, which he lovingly stroked with his hands. Within moments the one-eyed appendage began to weep. Collecting a drop of clear liquid on his index finger, Kirk slowly raised the finger to his lips as he hypnotically held Spock’s gaze. Tentatively his tongue licked the drop. Then he offered the tiny feast to his partner.
Greedily Spock suckled the offering as Kirk continued to stroke him with his other hand. Pulling his wet hand away, the human lowered his widening mouth over the swollen member, engulfing it as much as his throat would allow.
The submissive, loving sight was Spock’s undoing. As though he was blind, he slid his hands up Kirk’s shoulders, up his smooth neck, and into his golden strands of hair. Cradling the beloved head as it bobbed up and down, the Vulcan opened his soul, his mind, and his essence to this bright one.
Thoughts mingled...racing away from past pains and loneliness, the two minds swiftly linked with chains of love and adoration. Matching the acceleration, Kirk’s tempo speeded up. Through the link he was able to feel the building sexual tension in his lover...to experience it also. So to satisfy them both, he picked up the attack on the other's penis.
Until..."Jimmmm!” Spock screamed his name; warm semen was spurting into his mouth, but he did not swallow. Instead, he collected the elixir. Then when the orgasm died down, Kirk rose on his knees and drew the shiny head down to his lips. (
It was not just a kiss, but also a toast, a toast to a special union. Kirk shared the life-giving fluid with this wonderful person, his mate. Deepening their kiss for a moment, Spock then pulled away. Panting, he voiced his desire, “Jim, please...I want to feel you in me!”
Until...”Jimmmm!” Spock screamed his name; warm semen was spurting into his mouth. When the orgasm died down, Kirk rose on his knees and drew his lover’s head down to his lips. The gentle kiss was a prelude of their pledge to this special union. As the kiss deepened passion flared.
The next few minutes were a blur. Clothes were scattered on the floor as the men petted, panted, kissed and hugged their way to the captain’s bed. Kirk gently pushed Spock onto his back. “I want to see you, Spock. I want to be able to watch your face as I come.”
Reaching in a chest above the head of the bed, Kirk pulled out a tube of lotion. He blushed...not for why he was using it...but whom he had used it on in the past. As the guilt began to settle in his mind, an encouraging soul fortified him. It was as though the mind voice was telling him, The past is the past...let us leave it there and look to the future. Looking away from the bottle in his hand and to the loving, long face, Kirk sadly smiled, and said, “I love you.”
“I love you too, Jim. Let us start with new beginnings...let us begin a new pathway in our relationship.” As Spock spoke he pulled the human in his arms and nibbled his throat.
“Aaah...if you keep that up, Spock, I won’t be able to keep it up much longer.”
Kneeling between the long legs, Kirk applied the lotion to his hands. He raised Spock’s knees and pulled them up to the glistening green chest. Finding the treasured spot, Kirk bent down to bestow one kiss to the area. Then he gently rimmed the hole, which started gapping as though it were a hungered mouth waiting to be fed. Wishing to feed his lover’s desire slowly he inserted one finger into the moist, hot tunnel. At first the walls seemed to grasp the finger. Then, as if they discovered it was not the nourishment they sought, they began to stretch and widen. Kirk pulled the finger out and reinserted it along with his middle finger. The same results occurred.
The human was so enthralled with the reaction he was producing from his lover that the entire time his eyes had been on the anal entry. Now as he looked up into his lover’s face, Spock gasped, “Please, Jim. I don’t think I can stand it much longer. I need you!” With those words he applied the lotion to his rock-hard penis. Walking forward on his knees he slowly began to insert the blunt object into his mate, filling him. As the Vulcan groaned, his legs began to shiver, as though they were spasming. Kirk smoothly stroked the inner legs as he froze to allow Spock’s body to become accustomed to his invading member.
As he stroked the legs began to relax. Kirk pulled them out and around his waist where Spock locked his ankles. With much care, Kirk bent forward allowing the penis to insert itself to the new depths, which resulted in another deep groan from its recipient. Pride in his ability to give pleasure to this loved one was evident, as the golden body lowered itself further and soft lips captured the erotic groan.
Pulling his lips away, he began the rhythmic motion of love. He caressed his alien love with his thoughts, feelings, rocking body, and stroking penis. Kirk’s gaze feasted on the panting creature in front of him. Spock was his...only his…only his! The chant ran through his mind, accelerating until he knew he could go no further or he would explode.
As he did begin to explode, shooting his seed deep within his love, Spock pulled Kirk into a fast embrace and reached for his head. As their minds united for eternity Kirk heard his name screamed along with another cry...his own. Surely, such love, such ecstasy, was not to be experienced by the living. With that thought his soft, spent penis slipped out of the dear body. Kirk allowed himself to fall into oblivion, knowing he was safe in his lover’s arms and soul. **** Awareness came to him slowly, Spock felt weighed down. Without the aid of light he knew who the warm, living pressure was...his t’hy’la. His mind reveled in the term as his eyes adjusted in the dimness. A head was on his shoulder. Craning his neck slowly, so as not to wake the other man, Spock examined Kirk. A soft smile played on swollen lips. This sight prompted the Vulcan to feel his own swollen lips. The golden face looked very relaxed, almost boyish in its continence. I am the reason he is so relaxed...so happy...so loved.
Spock lay still for a moment, yet knew he would not be able to sleep immediately. His internal clock told him that he had 3.5 hours more until morning. Unfortunately, his sensitive sense of smell also found evidence of his human’s passion for him. It wasn’t the odor that was disruptive it was this new, unusual feeling of belonging and of being cherished.
Easily extracting himself from his lover’s embrace, the man slid off the bed and softly made his way to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he eased into the shower stall. Setting the controls to a gentle, warm shower Spock bowed his head and allowed the water to cascade over his body. Turning his face into the spray, he allowed his mind to wander. How does my body feel to Jim? He smoothed his hands over his body. Crossing his arms he felt the muscular biceps, his chest, his sunken stomach. It was as he was near his genitals that he became aware of another set of hands on his body.
As teeth nuzzled his neck, a gruff voice said, “I missed you...your warmth. I don’t ever think I’ll be able to sleep without you again.”
Spock turned into the strong arms. He kissed the sleep from his lover’s mouth. As the kiss deepened their bodies collided. Hardened penises became trapped between the erotic press. Passion was spent quickly as the push-pull of the two men reached its climatic end.
Watching the evidence of their spent lovemaking going down the drain, Kirk mused, “Lover, with you I don’t know if I will ever know self-control again.”
Spock turned off the shower and reached for their towels. Each man lovingly dried his partner off, slowly caressing...a show of endearment, not passion. Upon completion they kissed once more before they left the bathroom.
As they approached the bed, Kirk stated, “Spock, I just don’t think I can go to sleep right now. I’m just too excited.”
“Let me rub your back, Jim.” offered his mate. “That might relax you and ease some of your excitability.”
Easing down on his stomach, the human muttered into his pillow, “Thanks, Spock, I always enjoy a good backrub.”
“Then let me give you pleasure.”
As Kirk was lulled by loving hands, a thought gave birth in his mind, I love the feel of gentle hands.
To which a companion thought replied, Just make certain, Jim, that the only hands that touch your back are mine!
Sleep was starting to claim the exhausted man as he answered back softly, “Only you, Spock, now and forever.”
|